Have you ever been in something you care about deeply, whether it's your marriage, your career, or a long friendship, and quietly felt uncomfortable, like it was a sweater that no longer fit, but you weren't sure why or what to do about it?

Almost anything we do for a long time will have a season, or more than one, that can feel like a grind. And of course that happens in marriage too.

That's exactly what this episode is about: how to decide whether it's time to recommit or release, and the things to consider when you're not sure whether to stay or go.

I'm joined by one of my absolute favorite humans, the brilliant Lindsay Dotzlaf, a master coach's coach who helps coaches master the craft of coaching, and the host of the Mastering Coaching Skills podcast. Lindsay originally explored this idea through the lens of business and a long-term career, and we realized it applies just as powerfully to marriage and any long-term commitment.

We talk about putting the question "does this still work for me?" on the table, and talking about why we're often too afraid to even ask it. 

The drifting apart that happens when we stop turning toward each other on purpose, coming off autopilot to make intentional decisions, why doubt and ambivalence are signals to collect data instead of rushing into action, and what it looks like to recommit and reimagine.

Here is the scoop on what we talked about —

✨ Episode at a Glance

  • Why "is this still working for me?" might be the most powerful question you need to ask on a regular basis to have a life that reflects who you are now. 
  • How simply giving yourself permission to ask the question is the first step to everything after it
  • What "The Drift" in marriage is, and why you naturally float apart unless you turn toward each other on purpose
  • Coming off autopilot: the decisions we made 20 years ago for people we no longer are
  • Orienting toward "am I capable?" instead of "am I safe?", and how that can help release the pressure of seeking safety in what is often an inherently unsafe world. 
  • Why doubt and ambivalence are signs to collect data, not to rush into action
  • "What is unclear?", the question that gives you the next thing to look at
  • Making the "exit plan" as an empowering exercise, even when you're staying
  • Releasing what no longer serves the relationship vs. releasing the relationship itself
  • Recommitting AND reimagining: it's not all-or-nothing
  • Why doing new things together rekindles connection

RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

 

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