Caris Holt on Being a Sibling to a Child with Special Needs

Becky Davidson talks with Caris Holt, daughter of Carrie Holt and sister of Toby, about what it means to grow up as a sibling to someone with disabilities and special needs. Caris shares how that shaped her family life, her faith, and her sense of identity, while also naming the grief, loneliness, and pressure that can come with the role.In this conversation, Becky and Caris discuss the hidden emotional load on siblings, the importance of being seen as an individual, and how counseling and faith have helped Caris process what she feels. Caris also shares the creative interests and church leadership that help define her beyond her family role.

Key topics

Karis introduces herself as the youngest of four, with three older brothers, and shares the creative things she loves: fiction writing, fantasy, drawing, piano, music, horseback riding, and faith.
She talks about leading third grade girls at church and how their openness has taught her that there is no such thing as a dumb question.
Karis describes growing up in a home where nurses and care support were often present, which reduced privacy and made her feel more independent at a young age.
She shares how being Toby’s sister has brought unexpected gifts, including family closeness, resilience, prayer, grief shared together, and special experiences through a nonprofit called A Kid Again.
Becky and Karis discuss the visibility of Toby’s disability and how easy it is for others to reduce him to his wheelchair instead of seeing his humor, kindness, and compassion.
Karis opens up about the pressure she felt to stay quiet, blend into the background, and not take up too much attention because Toby needed so much care.
She reflects on learning to take up space, name her needs, and accept that she is also a person whose needs matter.
Karis explains that special needs impact the whole family, not just the child with the diagnosis, and says siblings need to be asked how they are doing too.
She shares how her parents supported her by making room for her own interests, friendships, and rest away from the demands of home.
Karis describes how family, cousins, and church relationships have helped Toby feel included and have given both siblings a sense of belonging.
She talks about how she and Toby have grown closer over time, including deeper conversations and shared interests like Star Wars.
Karis explains how faith, especially trusting God’s faithfulness through hard seasons, has given her purpose and a deep relationship with Jesus.
She shares how counseling has helped her put words to her experiences, identify triggers, and process emotions in a healthy way.
Karis encourages other siblings who feel guilt, anger, or frustration to remember they are not alone and that they can bring those feelings to Jesus for healing.

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