This week: a chorbishop's park rendezvous gets him relieved of duty, two Penn State fraternities were busted for moving weight, an Arkansas lawmaker's career implodes after a domestic violence arrest, Kyrsten Sinema overshares in a deposition, a former NFL receiver gets caught at a mall arcade, a horrific North Dakota tragedy, the internet's new least-favorite dater ("Voice Memo Guy"), an overloaded elevator disaster, a snake that outlasted an entire football practice, New Jersey's surprising new ranking, a Florida official facing the same death penalty law he once championed, a scammer's mysterious pool death, Kentucky's first grooming-law arrest, Lauren Boebert's son facing serious felony charges, a Trump-touted gas station chain's rap sheet of fines, and Bezos's surprise move into Premier League ownership. Buckle up.

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