"Don't tell your sister I told you this, but…"
If that sentence sounds familiar, this episode is for you.
Triangulation is when two people stop talking to each other directly and everything goes through a third person. In families with a narcissistic mother, that third person is Mom. She controls what gets passed along, what gets twisted, and what gets left out. Siblings end up knowing each other only through her version of the story.
This one is deeply personal for me. I explain what triangulation is and the different forms it takes. I walk through the golden child, scapegoat and invisible child roles, and I get into the big question: why would a mother divide the children she's supposed to protect? I also share my own story: seeing the pattern clearly after my mom moved in with me, realizing how much time I'd lost with my sister, and choosing grace and boundaries at the same time.
When I asked on Threads whether anyone else's mom had pitted them against their siblings, more than 200 of you answered, "Yes. Me too." I'm reading some of your stories in this episode, because you need to hear them. I know I did.
You are not alone, you are not crazy, and you are not the problem.
I'm not a therapist, and nothing in this episode is a diagnosis. When I say "narcissistic mother," I mean a pattern of behavior, not a clinical label. If this episode stirs things up for you, please reach out to someone you trust or a licensed mental health professional.
In this episode:
- The four common forms of triangulation: the messenger, the comparison, the ally recruit, and the go-between
- Why the golden child and scapegoat roles are about Mom's needs, not who her kids really are
- The reasons behind it: control, staying at the center, avoiding accountability, and patterns passed down through generations
- How to stop carrying messages, reconnect with your siblings, and protect your boundaries
- Why forgiveness is yours to define, and doesn't have to mean reconciliation
Let's connect:
Find me at Grown-ish Woman on Instagram, Threads, and Facebook. New episodes drop every Friday. If this episode hit close to home, share it with your sibling. I'm sharing it with mine.
