Late Diagnosed Autism & ADHD in Midlife: You Are Not Broken

What happens when the diagnosis you've been learning about for your child turns out to be yours too?

In this episode of Grownish Women, Holly talks with Niki, a pastor and mom she met at the Autism Caring Center. Niki was diagnosed with autism and ADHD in her 40s. It started after her daughter's autism diagnosis. Then, after her father died unexpectedly, Niki began sorting through his house and noticed some patterns: six pairs of the same sneakers, chapstick in every room, and "doom piles" everywhere. She started to see more of her dad in herself than she expected.

Niki talks honestly about the grief, anger, and freedom that came with her late diagnosis. She explains what unmasking really feels like, how ADHD medication changed her daily life (and her caffeine habit), and how her diagnosis changed her marriage and her parenting. She also shares what she'd tell any mom who is sitting there wondering, "Is this me too?"

If you've ever felt like you've spent your life making yourself smaller to keep everyone else comfortable, this conversation is for you.

In this episode, we talk about:

• How her daughter's diagnosis and her father's death led to her own autism and ADHD diagnosis
• Signs of autism in women that often get missed, like picky eating, texture issues, and struggling with change you didn't choose
• Why reading Unmasking Autism was so jarring she had to put it down for a month
• What the adult diagnosis process looked like
• Starting ADHD medication in midlife, and the caffeine conversation with her doctor
• Having a doctor who understands perimenopause
• How a diagnosis can shift a marriage and bring more grace into a relationship
• Parenting a child who shares your diagnosis
• Grief over the kid she might have been if she'd been diagnosed sooner
• Rejection sensitive dysphoria, overexplaining, and the mental load
• Why "self-care" isn't the same as actually taking care of yourself
• Her message for moms wondering if this is them too: you are not broken, and you don't need to be fixed

Resources mentioned:

• Unmasking Autism by Devon Price
• Autism Caring Center
• Skylight Calendar, which Niki calls "life-changing"
• Psalm 139: "I am fearfully and wonderfully made"

If this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend who might need to hear it, and leave us a review. It helps other women in the messy middle find the show.