4218 Making Room for Us

#RelationshipBuilders #CreateYourNow #LoveAndMarriage

Marriage often gets whatever time is left — leftover time produces leftover connection. Leftover intimacy. Leftover closeness. And after enough days, weeks, and months of leftovers, you start to feel like roommates instead of lovers. Partners in logistics instead of partners in life. You look across the table and wonder, when did we stop being us?

The answer is usually not one dramatic moment. It is a thousand tiny ones, a thousand times something else came first.

But you can change that. And you get to start now.

Marriage was never meant to survive on scraps.

God did not design your covenant to live in the margins of your calendar. He placed it at the center. Before children. Before career. Before ministry or friendships or anything else you pour yourself into. He brought two together and said, this is good.

Mark 10:9 says it plainly: "Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."

And while we often read that verse in the context of outside threats, let us be honest — sometimes the thing separating us is not another person. It is our schedule. Our busyness. Our unwillingness to slow down long enough to reconnect.

Creating space for your marriage is not selfish. It is really being obedient. When you protect time for each other, you are protecting the very thing God called good. You are honoring the covenant He witnessed. You are saying, this matters to me because it matters to Him.

But here is where it gets real — this must come between two people. You cannot build connection alone. You can open the door. You can set the table. You can create the space. But someone has to walk through it with you.

"It takes one to start, and two to finish." — Kristianne Wargo

Maybe you are the one who initiates. Maybe you are the one who says, "Can we just sit together tonight?" That is okay. One person starting is not weakness — it is leadership. But finishing? That requires both of you choosing each other.

Think about Song of Solomon 7:10 — "I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me."

There is a mutual turning toward one another in that verse. A leaning in. A claiming and being claimed. That does not happen, though, by accident, and it certainly does not happen when every evening is consumed by everything except each other.

At some point, you have to realize it's time to protect the space between the two of you.

It does not have to be extravagant. It does not require a weekend getaway or a reservation at a nice restaurant — though those are wonderful when they happen.

Making room can be as simple as deciding that the two of you are worth fifteen uninterrupted minutes. That your marriage deserves more than the tired silence between climbing into bed and falling asleep.

Mignon McLaughlin once said, "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."

And she was right. But you cannot fall in love with someone you never spend time with. Falling requires presence. It requires showing up — not just physically, but with your full attention, your full heart, your full self.

What does it look like in real life to protect the space between you?

1. Schedule a Weekly "Us" Moment

Treat it like an appointment you cannot cancel. It does not have to be a fancy date. A walk around the block after the kids are in bed. A cup of coffee on the porch before the day starts. Thirty minutes with no agenda except being together.

Put it on the calendar. Block it out. And guard it the way you guard every other commitment that matters.

2. Audit Your Calendar Honestly

Pull it up. Look at it. Where is your marriage on the list? If it falls below work, kids' activities, social obligations, church committees, and everything else — something needs to shift.

You do not have to overhaul your entire life in one day. But move one thing this week to make space for connection.

Cancel one obligation. Say no to one invitation. Trade one hour of screen time for a conversation. Just one.

3. Create a Device-Free Zone or Time

Whether it is the dinner table, the bedroom, or the first fifteen minutes when you are reunited at the end of the day — designate a sacred space where it is just the two of you. No scrolling. No notifications. No half-listening while your eyes are glued to a screen.

Presence is the most powerful gift you can give your spouse. And it costs you nothing except the willingness to put the phone down.

Your marriage does not need more time — it needs protected time. There is a difference. You will never "find" time for your relationship. Life will always fill the gaps. You have to make it. You have to carve it out, fence it in, and refuse to let it be the thing that gets bumped when the week gets full.

"Because what you protect, grows. What you neglect, drifts. And the space between you and your spouse is either going to be filled with connection or filled with distance. You choose." ~ Kristianne Wargo

So choose us. Choose to make room. Choose to turn toward each other instead of past each other. Choose to stop treating your marriage like it can survive on whatever energy you have left at the end of the day. It won't survive long-term, and honestly, it should not have to.

Give of your heart by making room for us!