4127 Are You Sleeping with a Stranger?

Change Is the Constant We Ignore

Twenty years ago, he might have been leaner, stronger—maybe a bit less wrinkled, less worn by life's battles. Sure, the belly has appeared, and without complaint, I recall how my own body transformed through childbirth, sacrifice etched into every curve. Life demanded it. Bodies changed. Priorities shifted.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us, "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven." This includes change—unavoidable, unstoppable change that touches us all, including our closest companions.

We talk often about the importance of change in personal growth, career, or faith, but rarely do we apply that lens to our marriage. How often do we stop learning about the very person we vowed to love fully?

If Life Is Always Changing, Shouldn't We Keep Learning?

A spouse is not a fixed entity. They are not the person they were when you said "I do," nor are they wholly the person they will be tomorrow. They are a living story unfolding in real time. So the real question isn't "Are you sleeping with a stranger?" but rather, "Are you still a student of your spouse?"

To grow alongside a partner, here are three ways to stay engaged, curious, and connected:

1. Ask Genuine Questions and Listen Deeply
   Pause the routine and dig beyond the "How was your day?" Seek to understand fears, dreams, and daily victories. Proverbs 20:5 says, "The purposes of a person's heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out." Reading beneath the surface invites intimacy with the evolving soul beside you.

2. Create New Experiences Together
   Shared memories are the glue that holds couples through change. Try something new—a hobby, a trip, a project—so you can witness fresh facets of each other. Hebrews 10:24 exhorts us, "And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works." Stirring the pot of your shared life keeps connection vibrant.

3. Practice Daily Gratitude and Affirmation
   Don't let familiarity breed neglect. Celebrate the quirks, the growth, the tiny victories. Speak words that build up. Ephesians 4:29 commands, "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up." Affirmation is the language of love that says, "I see you, truly, and I choose you every day."

So yes, people grow and change. The person looking back at you in the moonlight may not be the same as twenty years ago, but that's not a reason to turn away or feel strange. It's a call to lean in, to rediscover, to keep learning. Because marriage is not about holding onto a frozen version of someone—it's about walking together through seasons, time, and transformation.

Are you sleeping with a stranger? Or are you actively becoming better friends, deeply interested students, and loving partners to the evolving person beside you?

Remember the words of 1 Corinthians 13:7: "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." Endure the changes, learn the new chapters, and don't settle for anything less than a connection that grows deeper every day.