“Put it in boundary terms and you get a sharper picture than lines and circles. Men tend to worry about outline. Am I distinct? Am I intact? Can anything get through me? Women tend to worry about volume. Is there room inside me? How much can I hold? His clarity is a well defended outline. Her diffuseness comes from a large volume without clear walls inside it, where feelings run into each other. He fears being affected because being affected means a breach. She fears not being spacious enough. A man protects his edges and a woman tests her capacity, and neither of those, on its own, is intimacy.”
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