Guilt says I did a bad thing. Shame says I am a bad person.
If you grew up being shamed for so much as wanting to be seen, you probably can’t tell them apart. You’ve been swimming in shame so long it doesn’t feel like an emotion. It feels like who you are.
In this episode I unpack the difference. Guilt is specific, temporary, and it moves you towards repair. Shame is global. It’s the feeling of wanting the ground to open up and swallow you. I also share what happened when, at eleven, I spent three hours scrubbing the house spotless and asked my mother if she’d noticed.
Then we bring it home to your kids:
why rescuing them from guilt does them a disservice
how to let them feel bad about what they did without telling them they are bad
why holding a limit they hate isn’t something to feel guilty about
Because if their feelings were never yours to carry, what exactly did you do wrong?
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