We all want to protect our kids from struggle, disappointment and stress. But what if constantly stepping in to make life easier is actually getting in the way of something they need?
Today’s tool is “Stress Your Kids Out” and is about deliberately giving our kids small, manageable doses of stress, challenge and adversity so they have the opportunity to adapt, problem-solve and build resilience.
Teaching us how to use it is Tim Curtis, author of Building Resilient Kids and co-author of the bestseller The Resilience Shield. Tim spent much of his professional life exploring: what makes some people better able to cope, adapt and grow when life gets difficult? A former SAS officer, Tim draws on 16 years of military service, an MBA, decades of leadership and resilience work, and, importantly, his own experience as a father. He is here to show us our job is not to remove every stressor, failure or disappointment from our children's lives, but to help them develop the skills and confidence to navigate them.
In this episode, Tim shares:
- Why resilience isn’t about avoiding stress, but learning how to respond to it.
- Why letting our kids experience stress and adversity is essential for their well being and development.
- The difference between harmful stress and the moderate stress our kids can actually benefit from.
- How to know when to step in and support our kids, and when to stand back and let them struggle a bit.
- Why fixing every problem for our kids can rob them of the chance to find their own solution.
- Simple ways to “dose the discomfort” through everyday things like ordering at restaurants, carrying school bags, chores and losing games.
- The questions we can ask instead of immediately jumping in with advice.
- How Rose, Bud, Thorn can help kids reflect on their day and work through the things they’re struggling with.
- Why praising effort rather than results can help our kids develop a growth mindset.
- The importance of letting our kids experience the consequences of their choices.
- Why building resilience is less about big parenting interventions and more about consistently getting the basics right.
- How the way we respond to our own stress teaches our kids how to respond to theirs.
KEY QUOTES
“Stress in itself is not inherently harmful. But managing stress, teaching our kids to embrace a little bit of discomfort, is incredibly useful.”
“Dealing with discomfort makes us better at dealing with discomfort.”
“The role of the lifeguard isn't to prevent the swimming, it's to prevent the drowning.”
MORE ABOUT TIM CURTIS
- Find out more about Tim including his podcasts, books and work, at https://linktr.ee/resilienceshield
STRESS YOUR KIDS OUT RESOURCES
Buy a signed copy of Tim’s book: Building Resilient Kids
Check out the Building Resilient Kids podcast
Find more resilience tools at The Resilient Shield
GET INVOLVED WITH THE PODCAST ONLINE
SUPPORTING RESEARCH
Download a compilation of the papers and books used to research this topic.
Podcast produced by The Podcast Butler
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
