Most leaders say they want feedback. What they actually want is feedback delivered by the right person, in the
right tone, at the right time — and that is not how feedback works.
In this episode, a real coaching session reveals three things most leaders get wrong about upward feedback: they
never formally ask for it, they dismiss it based on the source rather than the content, and they defend themselves
the moment it arrives — which guarantees they stop receiving it altogether.
According to a 2024 Gallup study, only 42% of US employees have ever had the formal chance to give their
manager feedback. Only 24% have formally rated their manager's performance. That means most leaders are
making decisions about their teams with almost no data on how they are actually perceived.
This episode covers:
— Why "I have an open door policy" is not the same as asking for feedback
— The email framework to use before every one-on-one (with the exact questions)
— Why we accept feedback from people we like and dismiss the same feedback from people we don't
— What defensiveness costs you — and why it compounds quietly over time
— The difference between saying "you can be honest with me" and actually building the trust that makes honesty possible
If you manage people, are working toward a leadership role, or have ever wondered why your team seems hesitant
to tell you the truth — this one is worth your time.
Timestamps
00:00 — The coaching session that prompted this episode
02:00 — Why "open door policy" doesn't count as asking for feedback
04:49 — What Gallup's 2024 data says about upward feedback
10:53 — Why we dismiss feedback based on who delivers it
13:31 — What happens when you defend yourself to feedback
15:42 — Why one interaction is never just one interaction
18:01 — What actually builds trust around feedback
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