If your desire has disappeared, you probably already have a theory about why. Your hormones. Your age. Your relationship. The kids. But there is a system sitting underneath all of those that almost nobody is talking about. When your nervous system is stuck in survival mode, your body is not going to prioritize pleasure, no matter how clean your diet is or how perfect your protocol looks.
In this episode of The Ovary Club, I sit down with my friend Kimberly Ann Johnson to talk about what is actually happening when women feel cut off from their bodies, why postpartum is so often where that disconnection begins, and why trying to "fix" your nervous system can keep you stuck in the exact state you are trying to get out of. We also get into her new book, Erotic Seasons, and how a woman's desire shifts through every season of her life and every phase of her cycle.
Kimberly Ann Johnson is a sexological bodyworker, Somatic Experiencing™ Practitioner, birth doula, and postpartum advocate who has spent the past twenty years helping women heal from birth injuries, gynecological surgeries, and sexual boundary violations. She is the author of the early mothering classic The Fourth Trimester and Call of the Wild, the creator of Activate Your Inner Jaguar, and the host of the Sex Birth Trauma podcast. Her new book, Erotic Seasons: Tuning into the Rhythms of Women's Sexuality and Spirituality, maps a woman's sexuality through the maiden, mother, virgin, and crone seasons of life.
What's Discussed:
(6:45) What is actually happening in your nervous system when you feel cut off from your body.
(8:02) The "social nervous system" and why so many women get stuck in comparison mode.
(10:06) What "I've done everything and nothing works" may really be telling you.
(14:17) What is going on underneath disappearing desire.
(19:22) Why calling oxytocin "the love hormone" sells it short.
(25:22) Why postpartum is so often where long-term disconnection from your body begins.
(29:12) Why postpartum care should look more like recovering from a car accident than "bouncing back."
(36:24) The blue and red framework, and why noticing what feels good is a skill.
(47:07) Why going from a busy day straight into intimacy is like going zero to 60.
(52:13) The biggest misconception about how women try to "fix" their nervous system.
(1:00:32) The four erotic seasons of a woman's life.
(1:08:49) How your monthly cycle gives you a preview of every erotic season.
(1:15:14) Where to start if you feel disconnected and your desire is low.
Thank You to our Sponsors:
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Slow Down Hormonal Aging
Want to be more proactive about your hormones as you get older? Start with Alisa's Slow Down Hormonal Aging resource and learn what you can begin paying attention to now: alisavitti.kit.com/77c59f219c
Learn more about Alisa Vitti:
Instagram: alisa.vitti
Website: alisavitti.kit.com
Learn More About Kimberly Ann Johnson:
Website: kimberlyannjohnson.com
YouTube: @kimberly.ann.johnson
Instagram: @kimberly.ann.johnson
Podcast: Sex Birth Trauma
Erotic Seasons available for pre-order now & a Free Gift: Download an exclusive additional chapter from Erotic Seasons entitled "The Body and the Belly" at www.kimberlyannjohnson.com/erotic-seasons-book/
