S E21: Chosen: Stories of Adoption, Identity, and the Search for Belonging - Stories from a Stranger | Lyssna här

Hunter speaks to three strangers with one thing in common: they’re adopted.

Alyssa is a Black woman who grew up in a predominantly white community as an adopted child of an Italian-American family, making her adoption visually apparent from an early age. Her biological brother found her and reached out via Facebook after their biological father drunkenly revealed her existence to him. Upon reconnecting with her biological family, her biological mother denied her and called her a catfish, which Alyssa describes as one of the most painful things she ever experienced. Despite this, she does not regret the reunion, stating she would have wondered for the rest of her life otherwise.

Charley always knew she was adopted and initially viewed it positively, describing it as a gift. However, she experienced recurring feelings of loneliness throughout her life, particularly at night as a young girl. She had no desire to find her biological mother well into her 20s and even threw away research a college friend compiled about her possible birth mother. At age 46, she submitted a 23andMe test for medical background information, and at 47 received a message from a biological relative identifying a possible match to her birth mother. She met her birth mother, but found the relationship one-sided and stressful, as her birth mother never asked Charley anything about herself. After working with a therapist, Charley ended the relationship in a phone call from a parking lot, expressing both love and the need to set a boundary.

Sean was adopted from the south side of Chicago, with his adoptive mother spending two years visiting him and his birth mother before taking him home. Sean does not feel anger toward his biological parents but describes living with constant uncertainty and unanswered questions for 25 years. He describes the feeling as "free falling," with a core piece of information missing from his life. He learned that substances were found in his birth mother at the time of his birth, which he describes as one of the most painful pieces of information he received. Sean credits a very supportive family and open conversations for helping him stay afloat, but still feels like a piece of himself is missing.

Chapters:

00:00:00 Navigating identity and non-traditional family bonds

00:03:32 Processing rejection from a biological mother

00:06:54 Reconnecting with a biological brother through Facebook

00:10:05 Finding closure and setting boundaries after adoption

00:13:33 Expressing gratitude to supportive adoptive parents

00:16:15 Discovering biological relatives through DNA testing

00:19:20 Breaking up with a birth mother for self-preservation

00:22:48 Healing from past heartbreak and finding personal growth

00:26:07 Reading real letters about adoption and loss

00:29:18 Learning the truth about an early adoption process

00:32:45 Uncovering biological origins and facing uncertainty