Larry handed you a parenting plan with a list of holidays, a list of breaks, and a line about vacations, and called it finished. He never told you which one wins when two of them land on the same day. And your high-conflict ex found that gap before the ink was even dry.

This week I'm breaking down the one paragraph missing from almost every parenting plan on earth: the order of priority. Because a list of holidays, breaks, and vacations with no hierarchy isn't a plan. It's an invitation for a high-conflict parent to clean house and take from you every single time.

Here's the order that actually protects you. Holidays come first. Nothing overlaps a holiday. Not a vacation, not a visitation day, nothing. School breaks come second. Your spring break, fall break, and winter break override the regular visitation schedule, so no one gets to plan a vacation over your break. Vacations come third. A vacation supersedes visitation, but it does not touch a holiday or a break. And visitation, your regular day-to-day schedule, comes last. It's the first thing that gets overridden and the last thing that gets protection.

I'm also giving you the one sentence that has to sit underneath that whole list, or none of it matters: time lost will not be regained. Because I promise you, your high-conflict ex is going to lose two days to your vacation or your holiday and immediately demand those two days back. Without that sentence in writing, you are back in the same argument every single time.

I'm also getting into why this isn't already standard. Spoiler: it's a lot of 1984 templates and a lot of attorneys assuming you and your ex will just figure it out. You won't. Not with this person. And I'm walking through exactly how a high-conflict parent takes something casual, like “I'm just gonna extend the vacation a little,” and turns it into a pattern you'll be fighting for years if nobody puts a stop to it in writing.

If your ex has ever tried to take your holiday because they already booked the flights, this is the episode.

And when you're done listening, go pull out your parenting plan and look for this exact language. If it's not in there, let my team build it for you.

👉 Start with the Parenting Plan Written For You here


Here's What You Can Actually Take Away:

  • Your Parenting Plan Needs An Order of Priority - A list of holidays, breaks, and vacations means nothing if nothing says which one wins.
  • Holidays Come First, Period - Nothing overlaps a holiday. Not a vacation. Not a regular visitation day.
  • School Breaks Override Visitation - Spring break, fall break, winter break, and summer break all outrank the regular schedule.
  • Vacations Rank Third, Not First - A vacation beats visitation. It does not beat a holiday or a break.
  • Visitation Is The Lowest Priority - It's the schedule that gets overridden by everything above it, and that's by design.
  • “Time Lost Will Not Be Regained” Has To Be In Writing - Without this sentence, every lost day turns into a demand for a make-up day.
  • Attorneys Skip This Because Templates Are Old - A lot of parenting plans are still running on language from decades ago that never accounted for high conflict.
  • High-Conflict People Start Casual and Escalate - “I'm just extending the vacation” becomes a pattern the second nobody puts a stop to it in writing.

The Truth Bombs
  • “A vague parenting plan is not flexible. It's a future fight waiting for a calendar invite.”
  • “High-conflict people think they're the biggest priority in the room. They're not. There's an order, and it's not them.”
  • “Time lost will not be regained. Write it down before you need it.”
  • “Your attorney's template has been running since 1984. Your ex is not running on 1984 behavior.”
  • “A vacation does not outrank a holiday. Full stop.”

  • “High conflict people don't want fairness. They want control, and gray area is how they get it.”


Resources Mentioned:

  • Parenting Plan Written For You — I'll write your plan. Built for your kids, your schedule, your high-conflict ex. Not a template. A plan that protects your time for the next 18 years.

  • The Parenting Plan Masterclass — Learn what strong parenting plans actually look like before you sign anything. I'll walk you through decision making, parenting time, holidays, communication boundaries, and how to prepare for mediation so you know exactly what to ask for and what garbage language to avoid.

Have A Question?

Drop it in the comments or submit at samanthaboss.com/contact

This isn't legal advice. This is real talk from someone who's been there and helped thousands navigate high-conflict divorce.

Know better. Do better.

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This podcast exists because way too many parents are slogging through divorce quietly and thinking they are the only ones dealing with this mess. You can share your story, ask real questions, or send in topics you want broken down without the fluff. Stories can be shared anonymously, and no, this is not legal advice, but honest conversations are where clarity actually starts.

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