Ever tried to resolve conflict with your partner, only for the argument to end because one of you finally gave in? It might look like the conflict is resolved, maybe even like someone won, but the person who backed down is usually still hurting underneath it all. They’re tired of explaining themselves, tired of having the same fight on repeat, and tired of feeling like the only way to move forward is to check out.
That kind of “resolution” doesn’t create real repair. It creates self-abandonment, and over time, that is exactly how resentment starts building in a relationship. Real conflict resolution has to make room for both people to feel heard, respected, and steady enough to reconnect, even when the issue itself does not have a clean solution.
In this episode of The RISE to Intimacy Podcast, I’m concluding this communication series by sharing how to resolve conflict with your partner without leaving one person feeling like they lost another fight. I walk through the difference between solvable problems and perpetual problems, how to work with each one, and why reconnection after hard conversations matters just as much as the resolution itself.
2:54 – Why not all conflicts in relationships can be resolved
4:09 – How to figure out whether you’re dealing with a solvable or unsolvable conflict
5:37 – Five steps to resolve solvable conflicts between you and your partner
11:09 – An example of how Dr. John and Julie Gottman learn to live with one perpetual difference between them
13:23 – How to move from gridlock to dialogue with your partner about the unresolvable issues
18:00 – One final step to tackle after you’ve reached a solution or a compromise
20:41 – Quick review of the communication framework covered in this series
Mentioned In How to Resolve Conflict With Your Partner Without Resentment
How to Validate Your Partner Without Losing Your Own Perspective
How to Pause During Conflict Before It Causes Damage
The Gottman Institute
Relationship Reset Couples Program
Relationship Readiness Intensive
Rise to Intimacy Free 30-Minute Consult
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