EP4: The Things We Do to Feel Safe: Understanding Safety Behaviours

Why do we overthink what to say, rehearse every line, or avoid certain moments altogether? In this episode of Just Be, therapist Sophia Spencer explores how the amygdala — your brain’s alarm system — doesn’t just cause anxious thoughts or physical symptoms, but also drives behaviour.

Through the lens of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Sophia explains the concept of safety behaviours: the subtle or overt actions we take to prevent or escape what the brain perceives as threat. From avoiding meetings, over-preparing, or seeking reassurance, these behaviours make sense in the moment — they reduce anxiety briefly — but they also teach the brain the wrong lesson: “I was only safe because I avoided.”

You’ll learn:

• The main categories of safety behaviours: avoidance, subtle avoidance, impression management, anxiety management, and reassurance-seeking.
• Why they develop and how they’re rooted in the amygdala’s survival logic.
• How repeated safety behaviours reinforce anxiety by preventing new learning.
• Why gentle exposure and compassionate retraining (rather than forcing confidence) allow the brain to update its safety settings.

Sophia connects these ideas back to the social brain: how safety behaviours protect belonging, maintain social rank, and manage perceived judgment. They aren’t flaws — they’re protective strategies that once kept you safe. The work isn’t to eliminate them, but to retrain your brain to feel safe without them — so you can stop performing safety and start just being.

🧠 Referenced Concepts

• Safety Behaviours in Anxiety: Salkovskis, P. M. (1991). The importance of behaviour in the maintenance of anxiety and panic: A cognitive account. Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapy, 19(1), 6–19.
• Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive Therapy and the Emotional Disorders. Penguin.
• Amygdala Function & Hyperactivity: Etkin, A., & Wager, T. D. (2007). Functional neuroimaging of anxiety: A meta-analysis of emotional processing in PTSD, social anxiety, and specific phobia. American Journal of Psychiatry, 164(10), 1476–1488.
• Social Rank & Safety: Gilbert, P. (2000). The relationship of shame, social anxiety and depression: The role of the evaluation of social rank. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy, 7(3), 174–189.
• Belongingness Hypothesis: Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117(3), 497–529.