A man who survived a hijacked plane at 11, spent years numbing himself with drugs and chemsex, was diagnosed with HIV on a comedown in January 2020, and found clarity four years later on a single dose of LSD taken to treat a pain condition.
Summary
Hamish Noah was ten days old when he left England for the Philippines. By six, he'd lived in five countries. By nine, he was in Malawi, sobbing in a supermarket in Blantyre because he couldn't understand why children outside had no food while his family filled a trolley. By 11, he was visiting an HIV project in one of Africa's largest informal settlements, surrounded by children living with the virus - with no idea how much that scene would come to define his adult life.
On 29 December 2000, aged 11, Hamish was on British Airways flight 2069 from London to Nairobi when a man with severe mental illness entered the cockpit and tried to crash the 747. The plane dived towards the ground and nearly flipped. The co-pilot pulled off what became known as a miracle manoeuvre. Four hundred people survived. Hamish was offered therapy. He didn't really understand what it was. What he did understand, somewhere below the surface, was that he had been about to die - and that changed the way he moved through the world.
By 13, he was smoking weed daily and shoplifting to fund it. By his late twenties, he was deep into chemsex, losing one or two nights of sleep a week, and running on a mantra left over from the hijacking: it's not that bad. On New Year's Eve 2019, he had a bender. On 6 January 2020, he went to a clinic. On the 8th, the phone call came. He was standing in his bedroom. Time stopped.
For four years, he told almost nobody. He experienced stigma from people close to him - rooted, he says, in cultural conditioning from the conservative African side of his family. He hadn't yet accepted himself as bisexual. He was withdrawing from drugs, starting HIV treatment on four pills a day, and going through it all in near-silence. Then, in early 2024, during a bout of cluster headaches - a condition so painful it's nicknamed the suicide headache - he took LSD for medicinal purposes. Alone in his living room, he had an epiphany of total clarity: of course he was going to share his story. He wrote 90% of his public disclosure post that day. He hasn't touched LSD since.
Today Hamish works as a recovery coach and HIV advocate. The DJ decks are on pause. The music, he says, will rejoin the party at some point.
Key Moments
- [01:03] Born in Cambridge, raised everywhere - the Philippines, Singapore, England, Malawi, and a childhood shaped by constant movement and a father in aviation
- [03:22] British Airways flight 2069 - a hijacking at 35,000 feet on 29 December 2000, a 747 that nearly flipped, a miracle manoeuvre, and an 11-year-old whose mantra became "it's not that bad"
- [07:36] Vinyl at 13, weed at 13, daily by 14 - the beginning of numbing, and why Hamish sees no point in regret
- [10:36] When numbing stops being fun - recognising early that the drugs weren't for enjoyment, and the argument that sometimes numbing is better than the alternative
- [13:28] Sex as a holiday from your life - chemsex, connection, and the complication of genuinely bonding with someone while high
- [16:18] New Year's Eve 2019 - a bender, a clinic visit on the 6th of January, and the phone call on the 8th that stopped time
- [19:15] The Terrence Higgins Trust helpline - a lifeline in the early weeks, and the peer supporter Hamish is still in touch with today
- [20:14] Four years of near-silence - stigma from people close to him, a bisexuality he hadn't yet accepted, and the weight of cultural conditioning from a conservative background
- [24:15] Acute trauma and complex trauma - the difference between a single event and the slow accumulation of being silenced, and why the body stores what the mind tries to forget
- [26:05] Racism, a cricket bat, and intergenerational trauma - watching his Black African mother be racially abused, and the understanding that trauma is passed down through generations
- [34:48] Cluster headaches, LSD, and the epiphany - a pain condition so severe it's nicknamed the suicide headache, psychedelics taken for medicinal purposes, and the moment of total clarity in a living room that led to public disclosure
- [40:30] The pushback and the net benefit - stigma from extended family, judgey messages, and the decision that silence helps nobody
- [45:31] Malawi, gratitude, and the supermarket in Blantyre - a nine-year-old in tears, a visit to an HIV project in a Kenyan slum at 11, and the sense of duty that connects everything
Dedication
Hamish remembers Hydeia Broadbent, a young American woman born with HIV who appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show as a child and spoke about the virus with extraordinary eloquence. She died recently. Hamish does not know anyone personally who has died of AIDS-related illness, and is grateful for the era in which he was diagnosed.
About Hamish Noah
Hamish Noah was born in Cambridge and grew up across Southeast Asia, Africa, and the UK. He was diagnosed with HIV in January 2020. He is a recovery coach, HIV advocate, and DJ. He is 37 years old.
Resources
If you have been affected by the themes in this episode, support is available at tht.org.uk.
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