Raising kids, caring for a parent living with Alzheimer's and trying to hold it all together: what the sandwich generation carries that nobody sees.
Certified dementia practitioner and content creator Ty Lewis joins hosts MB and Suzie to talk about caring for her mother living in the final stages of Alzheimer's while raising two teenage daughters. Ty shares the guilt caregivers carry, the burnout that sent her to the doctor, why the hardest sentence to say is "I need help" — and why she now believes help is holy.
In this episode:
- What the sandwich generation is and why there is no such thing as balance
- The guilt caregivers carry, even when they're doing everything right
- Why caregiving is the burden, but your loved one is not
- "Help is holy": why asking lets other people carry the weight with you
- Warning signs of caregiver burnout and Ty's own ADHD, PTSD and anxiety diagnosis
- Protecting your health so you outlive the caregiving season
- Reframing failure: we're not failing, we're trying and striving
- Culture, shame and the guilt around memory care and aging in place
- Releasing the opinions of people who aren't helping you
- How caregiving reshapes a marriage and what the whole family sacrifices
- Talking honestly with your kids about what's being asked of them
- Why dementia is so much more than memory loss
- What to do when your spouse isn't as engaged as you need
- Asking for specific help instead of "I'm drowning"
- Outsourcing meals, laundry and household help
- Alzheimer's Association, local and state programs, Medicare and Medicaid
- "Even when a strategy doesn't work, love does"
If you're caught in the middle — raising kids, caring for a parent and running out of room for yourself — this episode is for you.
Disclaimer: The Grey Take is for education and support, not medical advice. Ty shares her own family's decisions and her own health diagnoses; for guidance about dementia, caregiver burnout or your own mental health, talk with your or your loved one's medical team.
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CHAPTERS
(00:00) Stuck in the middle: the sandwich generation
(00:35) Meet Ty Lewis, certified dementia practitioner
(01:10) What "sandwich generation" really means
(02:35) Why there is no such thing as balance
(03:12) The guilt sandwich caregivers carry
(04:45) Caregiving is the burden, your loved one is not
(05:29) The hardest sentence to say: "I need help"
(05:50) Why help is holy
(07:29) Asking a sibling for help at the end of your rope
(09:23) Burnout and Ty's own diagnosis
(10:19) The red flags caregivers miss
(11:35) Front-loading care: a therapist and a chiropractor
(12:54) The legacy you leave your children
(14:28) "We're not failing, we're trying and striving"
(16:17) Culture, shame and moving a parent into care
(17:32) Guilt around memory care in the Black community
(18:58) Letting go of other people's opinions
(20:15) Caregiving inside a marriage
(22:40) Talking to teenagers about the sacrifice
(25:17) What children teach us about caregiving
(27:02) Dementia is more than memory loss
(27:30) "Even when a strategy doesn't work, love does"
(28:27) When your spouse isn't on board
(31:22) Asking for specific help
(33:32) Hacks for sandwich generation caregivers
(35:24) "I cannot resent the work and do the work"
(36:47) Outsourcing meals, laundry and household help
(38:14) Alzheimer's Association, local programs, Medicare and Medicaid
(38:47) "I am losing my mother"
(40:12) Walking a loved one home
(41:20) Where to find Ty Lewis
(42:28) MB and Suzie's takeaways
RESOURCES
Brookdale Senior Living — https://www.brookdale.com
Ty Lewis — In Case I Forget Consulting — https://www.incaseiforgetconsulting.com
Ty Lewis on Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/iamgertrudejordan
Ty Lewis on TikTok — https://www.tiktok.com/@iamgertrudejordan
In Case I Forget on Facebook — https://www.facebook.com/incaseiforget
Alzheimer's Association — https://www.alz.org — 24/7 Helpline (800) 272-3900
Eldercare Locator — https://eldercare.acl.gov — find local and state caregiver programs, respite and support
Medicare — https://www.medicare.gov
Medicaid — https://www.medicaid.gov
Family Caregiver Alliance — https://www.caregiver.org — caregiver support, respite and burnout resources
