This episode explores how music can regulate the nervous system, build belonging, and help people feel safe in communal playing spaces. Tara Connaghan is joined by Louise Kelly, a consultant music therapist from the North of Ireland, TEDx speaker, and co-founder of Resilient Rhythms, whose perspective connects traditional music with anxiety, confidence, and connection.
We discuss why some players sit on the periphery, why others play loudly or keep leaving and returning, and how those behaviours can be understood through fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses rather than judgment.
Chapters
00:00 - Music as shared nervous system regulation
00:44 - Introduction to Louise Kelly and the episode’s focus
03:02 - Louise’s background in music therapy and why she speaks publicly about music’s power
04:32 - The TEDx selection process and the journey to speaking on stage
06:24 - Why music is a biological necessity, not just entertainment
07:46 - Sessions, teamwork, and rhythm as connection
09:01 - Growing up outside the Irish music tradition and feeling drawn in
10:55 - Discovering session etiquette through a therapist’s lens
12:49 - The nervous system’s job: keeping us safe
13:45 - Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn in session behaviour
15:05 - Loud playing as a possible fight response
16:33 - Playing louder after being ignored elsewhere
20:03 - Shy entry, fawning, and freeze in newcomers
21:00 - Humour and repeated movement as safety behaviours
22:25 - Watching body language and seat choice from the outside
23:39 - Why confrontation often pushes musicians toward flight
24:34 - Cultural identity, language, and why the tradition matters so deeply
25:08 - Louise rejoining beginner trad life through North Coast Antrim
26:43 - Practicing a session at home by recording and replaying it
28:26 - Therapy, music, and the value of repetition
29:44 - Confidence, anxiety, and finding a voice later in life
31:24 - Teenagers, music, and why young people live inside sound
32:28 - Why adults lose sight of music’s value
36:05 - What really stops newcomers is fear of getting it wrong
38:53 - How shame is learned through family and society
40:08 - School messages that damage confidence in music
41:16 - Everyone can participate without being “a trained singer”
42:06 - Walking in circles, staying on the periphery, and feeling safe first
43:19 - The sweet spot where musicians become one
44:17 - Coping strategies for anxiety and choosing music as support
46:20 - Breath work, self-awareness, and self-expression as regulation tools
48:08 - Session rules as a way to protect safety, not exclude people
49:28 - Mind-body awareness in music and in everyday life
50:44 - Music as mindfulness and being present in the moment
54:09 - Slow sessions as beginner-safe spaces and why they matter
57:47 - Session vibe, belonging, and why context changes everything
59:39 - Louise’s advice for listeners: be open, curious, and avoid perfectionism
61:34 - A memory of belonging in a school traditional group
63:48 - The tune that still moves Louise and why music stays personal
64:32 - Closing reflections on reopening a long-closed doorway
Resources:
Louise Kelly, TedX Talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTKezQB0A3E
https://resilientrhythms.co.uk/
https://www.sessionetiquette.com/questionnaire
In Tune with Tradition - Private Session Experience: https://www.sessionetiquette.com/retreat
