What happens to the child or teen who seems to be “doing fine” when a sibling needs much more attention?
When a child or teenager is dealing with a concerning medical condition, mental health concern, developmental difference such as ADHD or autism, or behavioral challenge, family life can naturally begin to revolve around their needs. There may be appointments, school meetings, difficult moments at home, and simply less time and energy to go around.
But what about the other kid(s) in the family?
In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen talk about the often-overlooked experience of siblings who grow up alongside a brother or sister who is struggling. They explore what we know from research, the range of emotions siblings may experience, and practical ways parents can support them without adding more guilt (to themselves or their kids) in an already demanding situation.
In this conversation, we explore:
- What research tells us about the experiences of siblings
- Why siblings may face increased risks for anxiety, depression, or adjustment difficulties
- Why parents shouldn't automatically blame themselves for those difficulties
- The range of emotions siblings may experience, from frustration and worry to love and empathy
- How difficult family experiences can also foster maturity, patience, and compassion
- Why validating “It’s not fair” can be truly helpful
- How age-appropriate information can help siblings understand what is happening
- How giving siblings some choice and voice can help
- Why family rules and routines may need to change
- How to avoid catastrophizing about what a difficult period means for the future
- Simple ways to create protected one-on-one time with siblings
- Why maintaining relationships doesn't have to mean equal amounts of time
- How parents can model repair when everyone is overwhelmed
CHAPTERS:
00:00 — When One Child Needs More: What About their Sibling?
03:02 — What Does the Research Say About Siblings?
04:30 — The Potential Risks for Siblings
05:42 — The Emotional Experience of Having a Sibling Who Struggles
06:37 — How Difficult Experiences Can Also Lead to Growth
07:59 — When Parents and Siblings Share the Same Stress
09:19 — What Parents Can Do to Support Siblings
09:41 — Acknowledging When Family Life Feels Unfair
12:43 — Acceptance, Problem-Solving & Moving Forward
14:26 — Validating Feelings While Holding Boundaries
15:50 — Helping Siblings Understand What’s Happening
17:53 — Giving Siblings a Voice in Family Decisions
18:44 — Staying Flexible When Family Circumstances Change
18:55 — Don’t Catastrophize About the Future
21:48 — Finding Protected One-on-One Time
23:20 — You Don’t Have to Be a Perfect Parent
24:26 — What Now? Growth Takes Time
💬 If this episode resonated with you, what has helped your family make space for siblings when one child needs significantly more support?
If you know another parent who could benefit from this conversation, please share the episode with them. And if you're enjoying The Parenting Pair Podcast, please rate, review, and subscribe. Your support helps us reach more parents.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Disclaimer: The Parenting Pair Podcast is designed for informational and educational purposes only. The information presented is not a substitute for professional psychological or medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have concerns about your or a family member's well-being, please contact a licensed mental health professional or physician.
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