Every time I talk publicly about being a woman at work, the first response is the same. It’s never "that sounds hard." It’s "well, I had a terrible boss once, and she was a woman."
Yeah. Okay. Women are allowed to suck, too. Plenty of men suck and we just accept that as fine.
So this episode is about the two women you’re allowed to be in a workplace that was not built for you. The one who shrinks to fit — who gets told she’s too big, too loud, too many ideas, and folds all of it up inside herself, hands her ideas to somebody else so they’ll get heard, stops saying the thing she knows is going to go wrong. And the one who strikes to kill — who was taught there’s only ever room for one of her, so she leaves no space for the next one coming up behind.
They’re the same woman. Same message, two ways out. You are not allowed here, you should feel lucky we let you in, and if you’re uncomfortable with how we do things then you should shut up or leave.
I’ve talked to thousands of women over the last five years who live inside that, and I lived inside it myself. I’m the person who had to hand her idea to the nearest male coworker because it would be taken seriously from him and ignored from me.
All of that is evidence of a problem with the workplace. It is not evidence of a problem with you.
You are not intimidating. They’re intimidated. Nobody is going to make them do the work to find out why you’re such a threat, so you’re going to stay a threat — but you do not have to make yourself smaller to fix something you didn’t break. You’ve been the same person the whole time.
You are not too much. They are not enough.
Plus: breaking news on the semicolon rant, in which four actual English professors turn up to tell me I was right. And an Ask L2 from Kieran, who wants an exemption from the don’t-fight-with-pigs rule for a pig who owes him $4,000.
CHAPTERS
00:00:00 "You are not allowed here"
00:00:23 Welcome to You’re Not Too Much
00:00:37 What always happens when I talk about women at work
00:01:08 Women are allowed to suck, too
00:01:46 I wish you the success of the mediocre white male
00:02:25 Persona one: the woman who shrinks to fit
00:04:13 Persona two: the woman who strikes to kill
00:05:09 Both of those are the same thing
00:06:37 Thousands of women, same paradigm
00:07:57 Give it to your nearest male coworker
00:08:19 A problem with the workplace, not a problem with you
00:08:28 You are not intimidating. They’re intimidated.
00:09:03 What you actually owe a job you need
00:09:44 You are not too much
00:10:04 They are not enough
00:10:57 Do enough to survive, then find a place that doesn’t suck
00:11:05 Ten thousand levers you don’t need to pull
00:11:20 You’ve been the same person the whole time
00:11:55 Your five to nine is better than your nine to five
00:12:03 A toxic waste dump and no hazmat suit
00:12:31 What professionalism actually means
00:12:57 Why the show is now called You’re Not Too Much
00:13:25 Breaking news: the semicolon rant, vindicated
00:15:26 Ask L2 — "This pig owes me $4,000"
00:16:37 You can have whatever tone you want
00:17:15 The strongly worded email
Every episode: https://differentnotbrokenpodcast.com
Leave me a voicemail: https://differentnotbrokenpodcast.com/voicemail
Come find the rest of us: https://alwaysquirky.com
