In this episode of All Things Conflict, host Maria Arpa sits down with Lee Middleton, a former prison officer who spent 17 years at HMP Dartmoor. Lee served as the key internal coordinator for the Peaceful Solutions Dialogue Roadmap (DRM) project, which ran inside Dartmoor Prison.
Maria and Lee explore what happens when you break down traditional institutional barriers and train prison officers and incarcerated individuals side-by-side. Lee candidly shares how human connection, active listening, and confidential 1-on-1 peer support transformed the atmosphere on the wings—reducing violence, self-harm, and bullying while building genuine, professional respect. They discuss the power of moving past labels, the importance of "listening to listen rather than to respond," and how learning to sit with discomfort can change how we navigate conflict in everyday life.
Key Takeaways
Human Connection Over Labels: True respect in high-tension environments is built on authentic human connection rather than enforced authority or titles.
Joint Training Dynamics: Training staff and incarcerated individuals together breaks down perceived barriers, fostering mutual empathy and a safer, more cooperative environment.
The Impact of 1-on-1 Listening: Confidential, peer-led listening sessions provided a rare space for individuals in custody to feel heard without judgment, directly contributing to a drop in wing violence and self-harm.
Self-Efficacy and Language: Giving people the tools and language to identify their own feelings and needs empowers them to find pro-social ways to address their challenges.
Listening to Listen, Not to Respond: A key shift in handling conflict is slowing down to truly hear and reflect on what another person is expressing, rather than immediately trying to fix the problem or give advice.
Timestamps
00:00 – Introduction: Reconnecting with Former Dartmoor Prison Officer Lee Middleton
02:01 – "Less Experts, More Human Connection": Lee’s First Introduction to the Dialogue Roadmap
04:41 – Officers and Incarcerated Individuals Training Side-by-Side
06:18 – Earned Respect vs. Forced Authority on the Prison Landing
09:35 – Dehumanization and Breaking Down Assumptions Behind the Uniform
13:08 – Boundaries, Rules, and the Power of Clear Communication
16:18 – Operating on the "Bank of Goodwill" in High-Security Environments
18:38 – How the Peaceful Solutions Project Was Built at Dartmoor
21:28 – The Measurable Impact: Drops in Wing Violence, Bullying, and Self-Harm
23:48 – Confidentiality, Trust, and Managing Disclosures
28:45 – Giving People Language to Understand Their Own Needs
31:38 – Avoiding "Numbness": Maintaining Sensitivity in Systemic Environments
38:50 – Case Studies: Personal Transformation and Parole Board Successes
42:00 – Personal Growth: How the Project Changed Lee as a Person and an Officer
52:00 – The Necessity of Facilitator Supervision and Support
56:25 – Final Reflections: "Listen to Listen, Don't Listen to Respond"
Social Links
www.centreforpeacefulsolutions.org
www.peacefulsolutions.org.uk
www.workplacehuddle.com
https://mariaarpa.com/
HOST BIO
Maria founded the Centre for Peaceful Solutions in response to the fatal shooting of a 7 year old in her neighbourhood. She developed a model of conflict resolution for violent crime using her brainchild, the Dialogue Road Map (DRM).
Over 30 years she has mediated everything from threat to life gang disputes to high stakes business deals gone wrong, Maria empowers people to resolve conflict without reliance on experts. So she trains violent prisoners to be facilitators, leaders to be effective communicators, teenagers to be peer mediators and neighbours to be tenant listeners within their respective communities.
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