What if being single doesn't mean something is missing from your life? What if you could want a relationship and still feel fulfilled, secure, and happy exactly where you are?
In this episode of Trauma, Tea & Tangents, Hannah Guy sits down with Michael McQueary, creator of the Solo Circle app and community, to unpack society's pressure to be in a relationship and how it can affect our self-worth, attachment, and sense of fulfillment.
From family members asking when you'll find someone to the subtle ways society rewards couples, being single can sometimes feel like something you need to explain or fix. Michael shares how his own experience of being single inspired him to create a community where people can connect, support one another, and embrace this season of life rather than treating it like a waiting room for their next relationship.
Hannah brings a trauma-informed perspective to the conversation, exploring why some people feel that they aren't truly enough, safe, or fulfilled unless they're partnered. Together, they discuss how we can learn to tolerate loneliness, build self-trust, and identify what we're actually longing for when we say we want a relationship.
Because sometimes, what we're searching for isn't necessarily a partner. It's the feeling of being safe, confident, secure, or enough. And while relationships can absolutely add meaningful things to our lives, putting all our hopes for happiness onto another person can create unrealistic expectations and leave us feeling disappointed.
They also explore how attachment wounds and trauma can influence our relationship patterns, why some people repeatedly find themselves in similar dating situations, and how therapy can help us understand the beliefs and behaviors that may be getting in the way of the connection we want.
Whether you're happily single, tired of dating, healing after a breakup, or hoping to find a relationship without feeling like your life is on hold, this conversation is a reminder that you can want love without believing you need a relationship to be whole.
In this episode, we discuss:
- Society's pressure to date, get married, and have children
- The “singles tax” and the ways society favors couples
- How relationship status can become tied to self-worth
- Learning to embrace being single without giving up on love
- Why we sometimes expect a partner to make us feel safe, secure, or enough
- Building self-trust and learning to sit with loneliness
- How attachment trauma can shape dating patterns and relationship beliefs
- Why a relationship ending doesn't mean it was a failure
- When community support may be helpful and when therapy might be worth exploring
- Using your time single to grow, learn, and build a relationship with yourself
About our guest
Michael McQueary is the creator of Solo Circle, an app and community designed to help singles connect and navigate life outside of a romantic relationship. You can find him on Instagram at @solo_experiences or learn more about the community at solocircleapp.com.
Chapters
00:58 – Meet Michael McQueary and Solo Circle
01:31 – Why Society Pressures Us to Be in Relationships
02:59 – “You'll Find Someone”: The Pressure After a Breakup
03:35 – How Society Caters to Couples
04:26 – The “Singles Tax”
05:05 – The Traditional Relationship Timeline
05:51 – The Pressure to Find Your Person
06:44 – The Benefits of Being Single
07:24 – When Self-Worth Depends on Relationship Status
08:40 – Can a Relationship Really Make You Feel Fulfilled?
09:34 – Embracing Being Single as a Time for Growth
10:12 – Wanting Love While Accepting Where You Are
10:32 – What Are You Really Looking for in a Relationship?
11:35 – Finding Safety and Fulfillment Within Yourself
11:58 – Getting Out of Your Own Way in Relationships
13:20 – Why a Relationship Ending Isn't a Failure
14:36 – Pressure Within the Single Community
15:55 – Challenging the Belief That Something Is Wrong With You
16:56 – Dating, Effort, and the Role of Luck
17:40 – Why Community Matters When You're Single
18:13 – “We're Not Alone in Being Alone”
18:40 – Community Support vs. Therapy
20:21 – When Relationship Beliefs Go Deeper Than Dating
21:56 – Recognizing Patterns in Relationships
22:43 – Normalizing Being Single
23:30 – How to Connect With Solo Circle
24:38 – Nervous System Resources From Revive Therapy Services
✨ Connect with Michael McQueary:
Instagram: @solo_experiences
✨Looking for trauma therapy in Pennsylvania or Colorado?
Revive Therapy Services specializes in trauma therapy, EMDR therapy, eating disorder treatment, body image concerns, PTSD, complex trauma, and Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy (KAP). We offer virtual and in person therapy throughout Pennsylvania and Colorado.
Learn more: https://www.revivetherapyservices.com/?utm_source=Bio&utm_medium=Pod
Instagram & TikTok: @revivetherapyservices
Worksheets: https://www.revivetherapyservices.com/store
