Two days before they were supposed to move into their dream home, Makela Allen's husband died by suicide. He'd been sober for nearly two and a half years. She was 29, with a three-year-old, a 15-month-old, and a 15-year-old niece she'd just taken in after her own mother died eight months earlier.
In this episode of Just For Today, Makela sits down with Adriana to tell the whole story, not the version she posted on Instagram. She talks about the years of drinking and abuse she hid behind smiling photos, the intervention, the night she gave him the ultimatum that got him sober, and the Thursday morning he brought her a cup of coffee before he left. She walks us through the Target parking lot, the cop cars, the drone, the hospital, and the phone call to his mother that ended their relationship for good.
She also talks about what nobody prepares you for: that there is no research on childhood suicide grief. That her four-year-old told his friends at school a werewolf killed his dad. That her son says "my dad died" to waiters, and she refuses to teach him shame about it. That Father's Day is now donuts at the cemetery at 7am because Arizona hits 100 degrees by 8. That year two was harder than year one. That she felt peace for the first time in eight years, and felt guilty for feeling it.
And then there's the part people don't expect from a widow: she's dating again. "Ten men, ten experiences," which turns out to be less about sex than about learning who she is when she's not somebody's wife.
This is a conversation between two young widows who have both told their kids their dad is dead, who have both been asked why they're "still talking about it," and who both keep coming back to the same answer: grief and joy can coexist, and life can still be beautiful.
⚠️ CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains detailed discussion of suicide, domestic violence, alcohol addiction, and child grief. Please take care of yourself while listening.
CHAPTERS
00:38 Meet Makela: mom of two, wedding producer, widow
02:20 Married at 23: "we were two broken puzzle pieces"
03:33 The drinking, the anger, and the apartments he destroyed
04:24 The work trip that changed everything
06:04 February 7th: the ultimatum that got him sober
08:03 "You can't love someone more than they love themselves"
10:49 "If I knew our ending, would I still have chosen him?"
12:25 Healing out loud when he suffered in silence
14:27 The Disneyland photo where she hid her bruises
17:00 What her kids remember (and what she's grateful they don't)
18:18 "There are no books on childhood suicide grief"
22:00 The werewolf theory: how kids piece it together
24:31 "My dad died": teaching a six-year-old there's no shame
26:52 Donuts with Dad at the cemetery
29:04 The last week
32:14 The last morning: the coffee, the kiss, the text
34:40 The Target parking lot
37:20 The hospital, the cops, and the call to his mom
41:13 Telling a three-year-old his dad died
45:00 Grieving a parent at every developmental stage
49:40 Filling your own cup while everyone judges you for it
52:00 Dating again: "ten men, ten experiences"
57:18 Her non-negotiables now
1:02:04 What grief taught her: life can still be beautiful
Connect with Makela
► Instagram: @makelaallen
Connect with Adriana
► TikTok: @justfortodaypodcast
► Instagram: @justfortodaypodcast
► YouTube: @justfortodaypodcast
This podcast was produced by Scufd Studio Pvt. Ltd. For permissions, inquiries, or collaboration, please contact hello@scufdstudio.com
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