In this episode of The Mentally Fit Athlete, I sit down with my good friend Dez Nunez, LPC, a licensed professional counselor and high school basketball coach based in Colorado. With my co-host Lidia Garcia away this week, Dez and I have an open conversation about something we don't talk about enough in youth sports: how high school boys learn to handle emotions.
Young athletes spend know what it feels like to be tired, sore, injured, or "in the zone." But when it comes to emotions, many boys have a much smaller vocabulary.
In my own work with athletes, I've seen boys reduce their emotional world to three states: angry, chill, and locked in. Dez has seen something similar with the basketball players she coaches. When an athlete experiences an emotion that doesn't fit into that narrow range, they may not know what to do with it.
We talk about why this happens, how it can show up on the court, and what coaches, parents, and mentors can do to help high school boys become more comfortable with their emotions instead of feeling like they have to hide them.
- Angry, chill, and locked in: Why some high school boys have only a few acceptable emotional states and what happens when they experience something outside that range.
- Explosion vs. implosion: Dez introduces "shooting stars," athletes who appear to have everything going for them while quietly struggling with anxiety, depression, or pressure.
- The locker-punching incident: Dez shares a story about a freshman basketball player who responded to disappointment by punching a locker. We talk about what was underneath the anger and why sometimes an athlete needs someone to sit with them in the emotion.
- Anxiety as Spidey sense: We discuss reframing nerves as a natural fight-or-flight response. Dez's "Spidey sense" metaphor helps athletes understand that nerves can actually be useful.
- Redefining "soft": Emotional expression doesn't make a boy athlete soft. We discuss the difference between emotional composure and suppression, and why having a terrible shooting night but still playing defense, rebounding, and being a good teammate is a sign of strength.
- Be a student, not a sponge: Athletes can become students of their own minds and bodies by asking questions, noticing patterns, and seeking help when needed.
1. Model emotional regulation.
If we want high school boys to learn how to handle frustration, disappointment, and pressure, we have to demonstrate those skills ourselves. When we lose our cool, apologizing and showing our kids how we recover can be just as valuable as getting it right the first time.
2. Give boys healthy ways to release emotion.
Emotional regulation doesn't mean keeping everything bottled up. Dez talks about finding healthy outlets for strong emotions, whether that's screaming in the car, getting outside, or giving yourself permission to feel what you're feeling.
3. Help boys become whole people.
Emotional regulation isn't about suppressing emotions. It's about learning to tolerate them, understand them, and choose what to do next. These skills can make high school boys better teammates, competitors, and more resilient people.
Dez Nunez, LPC is a licensed professional counselor based in Colorado who specializes in working with teens and college students. She is also a high school boys' basketball coach, where she coaches alongside her father.
The Mentally Fit Athlete is an informal conversation about the mental side of sport and performance, hosted by Lidia Garcia, MSW, and Dr. Jason von Stietz.
We explore practical, evidence-based mental performance tools and conversations designed to make sport psychology accessible to athletes, coaches, parents, and anyone who wants to perform under pressure.
Dez Nunez, LPC
Instagram: @officialdeznunez
TikTok: @the.geek.therapist
Dr. Jason von Stietz
drjasonvonstietz.com
Instagram: @CBTSportPsych
Lidia Garcia, MSW
LidiaGarcia.net
Instagram: @liddie.g
