Big life transitions like an empty nest, menopause, or a career change can open up room in your life, and the old habit of saying yes often fills it right back up. In this episode of How to Lose the 'WAIT,' life coach Holly Toscanini explains how to set boundaries without guilt during a big life transition.
Holly walks through where the pull to people-please comes from, including Good Girl Syndrome and the fawn response, why it tends to get louder when your role changes, and what it quietly costs you. Then she shares three small practices to start this week: noticing your script, setting one low-stakes boundary, and letting guilt become useful information.
In this episode:
- Why people-pleasing often gets stronger after the kids leave, during menopause, or in a career change
- What Good Girl Syndrome is and where it comes from
- A 2010 study on why women apologize more than men
- How the fawn response makes a reasonable boundary feel physically scary
- Three simple phrases for saying no without over-explaining
- How small boundaries build self-trust over time
Resources mentioned:
The "What's Next?" Self-Coaching Session (free):https://withme.so/hollytoscanini/lead_542
When You Can't Stop Second-Guessing Yourself, a 5-day private podcast https://withme.so/hollytoscanini/dm_7519
Chapters
00:00 When life changes but your yes stays the same
01:29 Good Girl Syndrome and the rules behind people-pleasing
03:26 Why women may apologize more often
04:24 How transitions give old rules new places to land
05:52 The costs: lost preferences, lopsided relationships, and guilt
07:18 How the body signals an automatic yes
08:47 Practice 1: Notice the script
09:23 Practice 2: Try one small boundary
10:21 Practice 3: Let guilt be information
11:20 Build self-trust and choose your next chapter
Research referenced: Schumann, K., & Ross, M. (2010). Why women apologize more than men: Gender differences in thresholds for perceiving offensive behavior. Psychological Science. The fawn response is a term from therapist Pete Walker.
Licensed Podcast music https://uppbeat.io/t/mood-maze/trendsetter License code: VGZ66UBEGXBP8YK8
Watch on YouTube https://youtu.be/6GJuZEsiMkM
