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I thought I would share a story I wrote for my Structural Integration cohort. This was designed as a somatic exercise. Have a journal or piece of paper ready to write on afterwards.
If you can, find a cozy place to lay down. Snuggle under a blanket. As you settle in notice your breathing, the support of the earth underneath your body. Notice the air moving touching your skin. Now I will begin the story.
Before Skin
Let me add a small piece of wood on the fire that keeps us warm. I want to share a story of our beginning. This story is small and yet it has largeness. It can be so small it fits inside a sewing thimble where the fairies hide. Yet it is so large it does not fit inside this room so it has to live in the deep forest with all the other magical creatures. Where the unicorns nibble sweet blades of grass. Yet here we are inside her, protected by the womb. They say I first came here on a journey from her ovum. I slipped out in the night so you could not see me along with several of my sisters. Each sister disappeared and became follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH) so that I could stick and not disappear with them.
As I floated down the fallopian tube, I felt warm and bathed in fluid. Then I arrived at a precipice where I decided to jump into the abyss. As I fell, I entered the dark cave called uterus. There was no light and I swam through a dark liquid, then as I tired I floated…sensing the space around me. Slightly curious and a little miffed that no one had made me breakfast. Then in a spark, others were arriving with big heads and long tails, swimming and laughing. They had come to dance with me and gently placed their noses on my outerness. We made the shape of the Matahari, the sun. Me large in the center. Them centering around me with their tails and heads carrying DNA. We danced for several hours.
Something was changing inside of me as the nutritional lining around me was falling away. One of these fishy creatures called Sparky was dancing patiently, with kindness, and had more spark about them. My system felt gooey inside and I asked them if they would like to come inside me to dance. Sparky waited patiently and reflected on if they wanted to dance. Then they consented and I made space for them by opening up my edges. Sparky came inside and we started to fuse together while letting go of half our DNA. Then we reformed into half of each. Becoming a new whole and form. We were now a consensual conceptus.
Not quite human. More like a small fluid rock. Here we would begin to divide in a cellular continuity of sameness, filling up the protective shell with many cells. Now we changed our name to Morula. Still floating in the protective womb, slightly unsure if our journey would stop here.
After a while, we continued to change. We were no longer like a small rock, but like a plant expressing outward growth. Seeking to begin to root. However, the womb was unsure. The womb was deciding if it could make space for us.
Meanwhile, I felt a pulse, and the cells started to migrate to one side, creating space for fluid. I sensed myself floating backwards toward the lining of the uterus. I felt a bolt of lightning in my center. I looked down and started to fold over into myself. Then something strange happened. I started to grow a tail that reached out and connected to the womb. A little like tying off a small boat to the dock. Here I rested a while as I was a little surprised by this attachment. From the connection stalk, I would find myself floating in flexion and extension. Pulsing back and forth with growth.
All of a sudden, I felt a thump and another thump. Oh my, I have a heart! A rhythmic beating drum calling me into this world with a steady beat. Thump thump thump. The surprise caused me to turn around and stand up inside of myself toward my mother. I am human after all.
I laid down in the mossy womb to rest, while I slept, I kept growing bigger, larger until one day I was too big for the womb, and I peeked outside of my cozy cave to enter the great outdoors.
The End or is it the beginning?
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Take the time to free write on what you notice in your soma from this experience of where you come from.
