The fawn response: The survival instinct behind people-pleasing

Are you mad at me? It’s a question “Hyperfocus” host Rae Jacobson has asked more times than she can count.

So when Rae saw a book with that exact title, she was a little unnerved. The book is by psychotherapist Meg Josephson, and it’s about the fawn response: a survival instinct that can look like people-pleasing.

In this conversation, Meg breaks down what fawning is and why it’s hard to spot — and even harder to stop doing

Meg explains how fawning overlaps with (but isn’t identical to) rejection sensitive dysphoria and why it shows up as masking for a lot of neurodivergent people. And she talks about the moment she realized that years of people-pleasing meant she really didn’t know herself at all.

In this episode of “Hyperfocus,” learn about a pattern a lot of us have been running on autopilot without realizing it. And learn subtle strategies for change.

For more on this topic

• Watch: Is ADHD a disability or just the shape of your brain?
• Listen: The brain is the last frontier of privacy. And you’re the target.

For a transcript and more resources, visit Hyperfocus on Understood.org. You can also email us at hyperfocus@understood.org.

Getting your child the support they need at school shouldn’t feel like a fight. But for millions of families, it does. In Zero Reject, an investigative podcast from Understood.org, award-winning journalist Anya Kamenetz looks at how changing federal policies are reshaping special education — and what’s at stake for families trying to access the support their children are legally entitled to. Start listening now.

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