Every conversation about a sexless marriage gets pointed at the woman. Low desire, hormones, resentment, the mental load, she's the one who's supposed to explain herself. Nobody asks what happens on the other side of the bed, and today I sat down with men's coach Mike Elliott to find out.
Mike works with high-performing men who look successful on paper and feel quietly disconnected underneath. In this conversation we get into why she rejects him and he assumes she doesn't want sex anymore, when the real story is closer to this: she doesn't feel seen, and her body has been scanning for safety the whole time. We talk about the difference between yang sex and yin sex, the exact instruction Mike gives every man he coaches (slow down, three times), and why a man who can't hold his own feelings can't hold hers either.
Mike also gets personal. He tells me about the night in Whistler when he lost his erection with his own partner and spiraled into a shame he'd been avoiding his whole adult life, and what happened when she refused to let him run from it. If you have ever gone quiet in your own marriage, present in the house and absent in the relationship, this conversation names exactly what's happening in his body and gives you language for it. Part two is coming, so stay close.
Join the waitlist for my upcoming coaching program for midlife men HERE.
In This Episode:
0:00 – He's Not Pursuing Her, He's Pressuring Her
0:10 – Welcome to Taboo to Truth
0:37 – Today's Topic: The Sexless Marriage Conversation From His Side
1:35 – Why This Exact Fight Keeps Happening
4:32 – What's Really Happening When She Rejects Him
6:52 – Yang Sex vs. Yin Sex: Why Men Default to Friction
9:53 – The Pushback: Masculine Enough vs. Emotionally Available
13:15 – It's Not a Libido Problem, It's a Polarity Problem
13:47 – Why Men Want the Quick Fix: Give Me the Pill
14:49 – Mike's Story: Chasing "More" Instead of Feeling More
16:53 – The Whistler Story: Losing His Erection Mid-Intimacy
19:08 – The Shame Spiral and the Moment He Stopped Running
20:51 – Holding the Shame: How His Body Finally Let Go
22:23 – Wrap-Up: Part Two Is Coming
To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube!
About The Guest:
Mike Elliott is a Relational Leadership Mentor and Men's Initiation Guide, working with men who want to have it all. He guides them to lead with Relational Authority™—anchored in initiation, integration, and inspiration. Having been adopted twice and walked through the dark night of divorce, he rebuilt his life from the inside out. Now co-host of "The Sacred We," he helps men transform their relationships—starting with themselves—and create legacies of love, presence, and purpose.
Connect with Mike Elliott:
Website: www.itsmikeelliott.com
Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/mikeelliott.relating/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/itsmikeelliott
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@thetogetherpodcast
The Sacred We Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/7EqHPtL9DovzPtazag8QO1?si
About The Host:
Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase.
This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider.
Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here:
Email: karen@taboototruth.com
Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast
Substack:https://karenbigman.substack.com
LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES
🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF
🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources
💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser
🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F
