Stan interviews longtime friend and Harvard professor Sheila Heen about why difficult conversations derail and how to handle them more effectively.
They discuss the “hero/villain/victim” stories people tell when frustrated, how smart people can listen poorly by focusing on what’s wrong, and why many conflicts are “switch-track” disagreements where each person thinks the conversation is about something different.
The conversation also covers political polarization, complex identities, and Heen’s course on negotiating money, wealth, happiness, and meaning.
00:00 Intro
03:06 What Makes Talks Hard
04:30 Avoidance And Timing
06:53 Family Conversation Traps
08:54 Hero Villain Victim
10:06 Respond To Feelings
12:40 Switch Track Conversations
14:25 Empathy Versus Assertion
18:04 Loss
19:43 Intent Versus Impact
20:33 Comment Dilemma
23:15 Intent/Impact Lesson
27:34 Beyond Blame To Contribution
29:50 Identity Fuels Polarization
33:00 Antidotes To Political Divide
34:50 Marriage Conflicts That Persist
38:41 Negotiating Money And Self Worth
42:36 Money Talks For Couples
49:01 Lifestyle Creep And Meaning
51:57 Lightning Round Conversation Tools
54:58 Resources And Farewell
Check out Sheila at: https://www.stoneandheen.com/training-consulting
Buy Her Book: https://www.stoneandheen.com/
Host Stan Christensen has spent his career working as a professional negotiator in a variety of arenas. He has also taught a popular course on negotiation at Stanford University for over twenty years.
