The Loyalty Test Kids Never Asked To Take

In this episode, Michael Flores, LPC-S, and Arrianna Cervantes, LPC-Associate, tackle one of the most painful experiences children face during divorce: feeling like they have to choose between the two people they love most. While parents rarely say, "Pick me," children often receive that message through subtle cues—body language, sighs, eye rolls, sarcasm, or even the way questions are asked after they return from the other parent's home. Michael and Arrianna explain how these unspoken messages can leave children feeling responsible for protecting their parents' emotions instead of simply being kids.

They discuss how one of the greatest gifts a parent can give is permission for their child to love both parents freely. Michael shares the heartbreaking words of a child who once said, "My parents are playing tug of war... and I'm the rope." Together, they offer practical ways parents can reduce loyalty conflicts by becoming curious about their child's experiences instead of investigating the other parent, responding with encouragement when children share positive experiences, and creating an emotionally safe space where children don't have to edit what they say. This episode is an important reminder that healthy co-parenting isn't about winning your child's loyalty—it's about protecting their childhood.

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