Dear Friends
What piece of advice would you give your 18 year old self?
I am lucky enough to be a mother to a lovely daughter, and I wrote this letter for her on her 18th birthday last year and wanted to share it again. Loosing two baby girls either side of her made me so much more aware of how lucky I am to be a mother; it is not something I ever take for granted.
Now, she is 19, my experience of motherhood has shifted of course. I recall so many mistakes and memories that swirl with my hopes and dreams for her.
All those things she didn’t do or have growing up, because I am her mother. My heart sings for all the unexpected things I gave her instead, and what she created for herself. She is wiser than I was, cooler and braver. And she was always safe and loved. She has her own dreams now, and I want to empower her, and women everywhere, to be herself.
This letter holds everything I wish I had known before. It is for her, but also for all our young selves, and to all our sons and daughters.
Dear Daughter
I am so proud of you!
You have so much ahead, a beautiful life you can create as you want. You can choose your path, and will change as you go. Life can be painful, as well as fun and beautiful.
Remember that the sky is always blue, and the sun is always shining!
Life will throw curveballs and you will catch them, as you already do! Don’t worry if you drop some balls: they weren’t meant for you.
Perfect people are annoying!
You will have periods of growth and change, and fallow periods where you do very little, and nothing seems that exciting. Embrace it all!
Look after yourself. Nourish your body, mind and soul: a little effort goes a long way. We need maintenance like a car, or a garden, but without obsessing about it! This will make you strong so you can follow your dreams and give you reserves when you need to bounce back.
Keep in mind where you want to be one day and follow that path. Take care over the rocks, and don’t forget to look at the view!
Have fun and be happy! When it rains look for rainbows, when it’s dark, look for stars.
You’ll have different friends for different phases or parts of your life. Some deep and meaningful, some fun and frivolous. Let go of people who aren’t meant for you, or when you out grow each other. We can’t all get on and that’s fine!
Don’t worry what others think of you. People think about you far less often than you imagine. Notice how people make you feel. Keep them close if you feel good, if not, maybe they aren’t right for you.
If you feel you don’t fit in or belong, either it’s because you haven’t found the right people, or because it’s only a feeling you have that may not be true, which you can challenge.
Don’t let anyone undermine you, including me! Trust your instincts and your heart. You may have to bend a little to have relationships, friends, and in your study and work life. Just don’t bend so much that you loose yourself!
You are funny and kind, empathetic and intelligent. You are beautiful and thoughtful. People love having you around, even if they don’t say it. You are loved! Especially by me.
“Don’t judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree!” Einstein.
If you feel down, you don’t need to be alone. Reach out to those who love you, like me! Ask for help. It is true that a problem shared is a problem halved. When life, or others are unkind to you, give yourself time and space to heal.
No-one escapes pain in life. Process it so you can move on to what’s next.
Be kind to yourself.
When you go in to a garden do you see the flowers or the weeds?
Look for joy every day. Look harder for it on bad days.
Think of six things you’re grateful for every day.
Always have something to look forward to. Seeing friends, an outing, a treat when you get home.
I may have ‘over parented' you, sorry! Because I worried about my difficulties and losses impacting you I probably fussed to much (you can thank my psychotherapy training for that!). This might make you a little self conscious so…
Relax! You are good enough and clever enough and kind enough. You work hard enough, you do enough, are beautiful and you have fun enough. Go easy on yourself. Give yourself a break. You are doing so well. See how far you have already come. You really are enough.
The universe wanted you in it, and so did I. That’s why you are here!
I’m so lucky to have you as my daughter. I am so proud of you. You are a phoenix from the ashes. A lotus flower in the mud. A rainbow after a storm. No pressure though! You’ll be the storm and the mud and the ashes sometimes.
You are sweet and unique, fierce and strong.
Enjoy your life! I am here for you.
I love you!
Love Mum xx
I invite you to write a letter to your 18 year old self, or to your daughter, son or young person in your life.
Do press the heart to let me know you are reading, and feel free to share if you know any daughters (or sons, and anyone in between) who might like to read it!
Let us know - what would you say to your younger self or an 18 year old?
Much love,
Kate
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