Malka grew up as one of twelve children in a Hasidic family in Borough Park, in a childhood she describes as largely happy and loving. But even as a young girl, she was deeply bothered by the gender roles surrounding her and by teachings that placed Jews at the center of the world while diminishing the lives of outsiders. As she entered her teenage years, those tensions became harder to ignore. At 15, lying in bed and imagining what her life might have looked like in a different family, she had a simple realization: it was her life, and she could leave. From there, she began deliberately pushing boundaries, first by rolling up her sleeves, then through secret books, an illicit library card, internet access, jeans, and increasingly open rebellion.
Malka eventually left the Hasidic world before marriage, attended community college, and built a life that took an especially unexpected turn when she joined the U.S. Army Reserve. She now balances military service with civilian work as an EMT, including working back in Borough Park from the perspective of an outsider. She reflects on the remarkable support her family ultimately gave her, the lifelong process of deconstructing Hasidic assumptions, and the importance of finding other people who have left closed religious communities. The conversation also examines darker systemic issues, including mesirah, Beis Din, social coercion, and the ways closed communities can use schools, jobs, housing, and family relationships to enforce conformity. Malka closes by describing her departure not as a tragedy or failure, but as one of the most important decisions she ever made.
Timestamps
00:01:50 - Growing up Hasidic in Borough Park
00:02:26 - Misogyny, gender roles, and wanting to be a boy
00:09:25 - Jewish exceptionalism and the tsunami story
00:15:00 - Discovering that the sexism was also in the doctrine
00:17:21 - The realization at 15: "It's my life. I can just leave"
00:21:05 - Rolling up her sleeves and beginning to rebel
00:22:32 - Secret books, the library, the internet, and finding ex-Hasidic stories
00:35:00 - Trying to join the military and her family's unexpected turnaround
00:45:44 - Building an adult life outside Hasidism and ongoing deconstruction
00:54:47 - Mesirah, Beis Din, and coercion inside closed communities
