Please Advise: How Do I Close the Gap Between the Life I Want and the Life I'm Living?

How long can you hold your breath? That's what it feels like when you're not living one of your top values: like being underwater, searching for a surface you can't see.

This week on Please Advise, Suzy talks to Michelle, an architect and firm partner in her early 40s with three kids in first, second, and third grade. Michelle took the Values Bridge last year and found the results transformational, but one thing surprised her. Her top values are a tie between Eudemonia (wellbeing, self-care, balance) and Beholderism (a love of beautiful things), yet work has always felt central to her life. Her question: can work or family be how you live your values, even if they aren't values themselves?

Then Michelle shares a number that stops the conversation: a 72% Authenticity Gap on Eudemonia, which is the distance between how much she wants to live that value and how much she actually does. Suzy's rule of thumb is that anything over 50% means the house is on fire.

Why is the gap so big, and what closes it? Suzy's diagnosis comes from a value Michelle barely mentioned, and the prescription is surprisingly doable.

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