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Okay, I need to admit something that still makes me cringe when I think about it.
Oh, no. Is this worse than the ceiling stairs story?
Much worse. So, for 3 months, 3 months, I watched every single video on YouTube about becoming a digital nomad, packing lists, best laptops, which countries have the fastest Wi-Fi, how to work from a hammock in Bali.
Okay, that actually sounds fun, though.
Jake, I don't even like working from coffee shops. I get distracted by the music. I hate packing, and I get motion sickness on planes.
So, you spent 3 months researching a life you wouldn't even enjoy.
Exactly. And the worst part? I never applied for a single remote job. Not one. I just watched and imagined and felt bad that I wasn't doing it.
Okay, I'm genuinely curious now. Why do we do that? Why do we research things we know we'll never actually do?
That's exactly what I want to dig into today. Because I don't think it's just me. I think a lot of people do this.
So, what's actually happening when we fall into these rabbit holes?
I think it's what psychologists call fantasy planning. Your brain gets a little hit of dopamine just from imagining the change. It feels like you're making progress, but you're not actually moving anywhere.
Like, the research itself becomes the reward?
Yes, and that's the sneaky part. Your brain goes, "Look, we're being productive. We're learning." But deep down, you know you're just avoiding the scary part.
And what's the scary part?
Actually doing it. Applying. Failing. Being bad at something new. Research is safe. Research doesn't reject you. Research doesn't say, "We went with another candidate."
Oh, that hit close to home.
Right? So, the fantasy becomes a comfortable place to live. You can stay there forever and never have to face the discomfort of real change.
Okay, but here's my question. Is that always bad? Is all fantasy planning a waste of time?
No. Actually, I don't think so. And this is where it gets interesting.
Okay, I'm ready. Convince me.
Sometimes, the research phase is actually your brain testing the idea. You're asking, "Does this actually fit me?" And you won't know that without exploring it.
But you said you didn't even like coffee shops or planes.
Right. And that's exactly why the research was useful. I spent 3 months watching those videos. And somewhere in month two, I realized I don't actually want this life. I want the idea of it, the freedom, the adventure. But the reality? Not for me.
So, the 3 months weren't wasted?
Not at all. They saved me from quitting my job, buying a one-way ticket, and realizing on day three that I hate tropical humidity and unreliable Wi-Fi.
Okay, that's a really good point. So, the rabbit hole actually protected you.
Exactly. But here's the key. I had to be honest with myself. I had to stop and ask, "Am I actually going to do this? Or am I just enjoying the fantasy?"
And if the answer is just enjoying the fantasy?
Then you can enjoy it, but without the guilt. You can say, "This is a fun daydream. I'm not going to do it. And that's okay."
Wow, that takes so much pressure off. It's like giving yourself permission to just explore without commitment.
Exactly. The problem isn't the rabbit hole. The problem is when you stay in it and beat yourself up for not taking action you never really wanted to take.
Okay, let's slow down and look at some of the words we just used because I think they're really useful.
Let's do it.
This comes from Alice in Wonderland. She falls down a rabbit hole into a strange world.
Now it means getting deeply into something and losing track of time. I fell down a YouTube rabbit hole last night.
You can use it for anything. Research, social media, even old photos. I looked at one old photo and fell down a rabbit hole of memories.
This is when you plan something. Usually a big life change, but you never actually do it.
I spent months fantasy planning my move to another country. It's planning as entertainment.
Exactly. It's not real planning. It's dreamy planning.
Dopamine is a chemical in your brain. It makes you feel good.
So a dopamine hit is a little burst of that good feeling. Scrolling through travel videos gives me a quick dopamine hit.
