I think resentment is one of the biggest things that can crack a relationship. We get hurt, minimize it, swallow it, and keep moving until all those little things start piling up. Eventually, the resentment becomes so big that we don't see the person or the relationship the same way anymore.
In this episode, I talk about why we need to learn how to express ourselves before resentment turns into a giant pile, how to know what is actually worth bringing to the table, and why resolving resentment doesn't always mean getting an apology from the person who hurt us.
I also talk about how to bring up resentment without blaming or attacking someone, taking ownership for my own part, and figuring out whether a relationship is still worth investing in. I break down the difference between doing life with someone, at someone, or around someone - and why honest relationships require us to be willing to talk about the hard shit.
I talk about:
Why resentment can create hairline cracks in a relationship.
How swallowing small hurts can eventually turn into a giant pile of resentment.
Why I don't believe we can always depend on someone else to give us closure.
How to decide what is actually worth expressing.
Why I sometimes overexpress and need to work things out on my own first.
Why bringing up resentment should come from a place of response rather than reaction.
How taking ownership for my own part can change the conversation.
What someone's response to my hurt can tell me about their capacity for the relationship.
Why some relationships may have simply been outgrown.
How children, finances, and other responsibilities can make resentment harder to address.
Why I think we have a responsibility to express valid hurt before the pile gets too big.
The difference between doing life with someone, at someone, and around someone.
How to think about resentment differently in romantic relationships, friendships, and family.
Why some resentment may need to be processed without ever being expressed directly.
Why working through resentment is a muscle that requires reps.
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