In this episode of The Forties Formula, Jasmin Dhillon and Amanda Lim talk grief, mental health and the losses women in their 40s carry but rarely name, with therapist Sapna Makwana Hanspal.
For women in their 40s, grief isn't only about losing someone. It can come from a changing identity, a changing body, fertility ending, a dream that didn't happen, a relationship changing, or realising you've outgrown a version of yourself. This conversation looks at why we don't always recognise these experiences as grief, why some forms carry shame, and how cultural expectations can make certain losses harder to acknowledge.
They discuss grief connected to ageing parents, divorce, motherhood and the lives our parents may never have had the chance to live. Sapna also shares her own experience as a third culture kid, and how identity, loss and belonging eventually led her from a 20-year career in finance into psychotherapy.
The conversation covers how grief can show up as anxiety, burnout, anger and exhaustion, how patterns can be carried across generations, and why grief doesn't need to be got over. It needs to be integrated into our lives.
Chapters
00:00 The grief we don't realise we're carrying
02:02 Are women in their 40s grieving?
03:20 Disenfranchised grief
04:05 Grieving a changing identity
06:25 Grieving the end of fertility
07:02 Gender disappointment and the loss of a dream
10:12 Grief connected to our parents
11:07 The sandwich generation and ageing parents
14:27 Divorce and hidden grief
17:29 Anxiety, burnout, rage and exhaustion
20:30 How to support someone who is grieving
23:56 The five stages of grief
25:57 Integrating grief into your life
28:04 Growing up as a third culture kid
30:15 From finance to psychotherapy
32:32 Can grief be passed between generations?
34:31 Grieving the life our parents didn't get to live
37:02 The grief of a life never lived
38:42 Reconnecting with a lost part of yourself
40:50 Practical ways to work through grief
42:17 When your body knows before your mind
45:02 Can movement and self-care help?
47:51 Everyone has their own timeline
50:23 Focusing on what you can control
51:40 Hot or Hype:
55:36 — Sapna's 40s Formula
About your hosts
Jasmin Dhillon is an Integrated Health Strategist and Health Coach helping women in their 40s navigate gut health, hormones and nutrition.
https://www.instagram.com/eat.with.jasmin/
Amanda Lim is a Metabolic Health Coach focused on helping women build strength, confidence and long-term health.
https://www.instagram.com/coachamanda/
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