"Why aren’t we having sex anymore?" It’s the question so many parents think but never say out loud. In this episode, Lauren gets brutally honest about pretending to be asleep rather than let the possibility of sex enter the room — and brings in award-winning sex therapist Marissa Nelson (Intimacy Moons) to unpack what’s actually happening underneath.
They talk about the invisible mental load that kills desire, why "sexual ecology" matters more than just being "in the mood," the real difference between low desire and asexuality, why vacation sex feels effortless while date-night sex can feel like pressure, and how couples quietly drift from lovers into "besties but not lovers." The takeaway: you are not broken — you’re buried. And there’s a way back.
Topics covered:
The mental load: why it’s the real intimacy killer
Sexual ecology: why desire isn’t a switch you flip
Postpartum, perimenopause, and what hormones actually do to desire
"Am I asexual now?" — how to tell the difference
Don’t reject, redirect: a better way to say no
The vacation-sex paradox: why time away feels easier than date night
Spectatoring: the "oscillating fan" in your head during sex
The desire model: discovery, embodiment, safety, repair, eroticism
Besties but not lovers: how couples drift into the roommate zone
Scheduling intimacy without it feeling like a meeting
Why anticipation matters more than people think
Marissa Nelson, LMFT, is an award-winning licensed marriage and family therapist, certified sex therapist, and the founder of Intimacy Moons. She works privately with couples, leads luxury couples retreats, and hosts The Lover’s Society podcast.
Tired Mom's Guide to Good Intimacy: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1hLAkqv5fzexP6Gj2pIn89L8r9vc76Qw6/view?usp=sharing
Intimacy Moons (Marissa’s site): https://www.intimacymoons.com/
Marissa on Instagram: @xomarissanelson https://www.instagram.com/xomarissanelson
The Lover’s Society podcast: https://www.instagram.com/theloverssocietypodcast/
Roommates to Lovers course: https://www.intimacymoons.com/post/couples-intimacy-workshops-roommates-to-lovers
Marissa’s TEDx talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BStyDbtqAJY
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Credits:
Production: Berty Enterprises
Editing: Nomadic Orca
Music: Far Eye House
Photo: Birch Thomas
Design: Erin Fox Creative
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