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Can you love the person you care for and still feel angry, resentful, exhausted or desperate for the caregiving to end?
Brent has spent nearly two decades caring for his wife, Trudy, after she was diagnosed with young-onset Parkinson’s disease at 33. In this honest conversation, Brent and Jeanette discuss the side of long-term caregiving that is often hidden behind inspirational quotes and toxic positivity.
Brent explains why caregiving can feel like a “death by a thousand cuts,” how unspoken resentment almost broke him, and why acknowledging difficult thoughts does not make someone a bad caregiver.
They also discuss anticipatory grief, caregiver guilt, respite care, therapy, hospice and the small resets that can help caregivers make it through overwhelming moments.
In this episode:
• Why emergency medicine could not prepare Brent for long-term caregiving
• The reality hidden by the “sanitized” version of caregiving
• Why toxic positivity can leave caregivers feeling more alone
• Loving the person while resenting the caregiving situation
• The thoughts caregivers are often ashamed to admit
• Why difficult feelings do not make someone a bad caregiver
• What Brent means by “caregiver purgatory”
• How therapy helped him manage anger and resentment
• The small actions that help him reset during difficult moments
• How respite care can help even when using it creates guilt
• The difference support services made to his family’s survival
• What Brent would tell someone beginning a long caregiving journey
• Why families should communicate and seek therapy early
• The story and mission behind Held Light
Brent created Held Light to say out loud what many caregivers feel but cannot express. Through his videos, podcast and online community, he helps caregivers feel seen, understood and less alone.
Find Brent by searching Held Light or @heldlight on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook and TikTok. You can also listen to the Held Light podcast on Spotify.
For more caregiver support and resources, visit jeanetteyates.com.
If this conversation resonated with you, share it with another caregiver and subscribe for more honest conversations about caregiving, boundaries and feeling good without the guilt.
Chapters
00:00 Grieving someone who is still here
01:52 Trudy’s young-onset Parkinson’s diagnosis
03:31 Why emergency medicine did not prepare Brent
04:55 The sanitized version of caregiving
06:10 Caregiving as a death by a thousand cuts
07:20 Toxic positivity and the reality of Parkinson’s
09:32 Speaking directly to caregivers
11:04 Why Brent created Held Light
13:07 Becoming a better husband and caregiver
15:31 Misinformation and miracle cures
17:57 What caregiving taught Brent about love
19:21 How caregiving affected their sons
22:59 Caregivers do not have to be perfect
24:20 Admitting the darkest caregiver thoughts
25:44 Living in “caregiver purgatory”
27:37 Why perfect caregiving content can be harmful
28:20 Can caregiver burnout be prevented?
29:28 Small ways to manage chronic caregiver stress
31:21 Knowing when to step away
32:12 Respite care, hospice and outside support
35:38 How respite care actually works
37:20 The guilt of leaving a loved one in respite
39:20 Advice for a newly diagnosed family
40:40 Make memories before the disease progresses
42:02 Where to find Held Light
HeldLight website
HeldLight: TikTok & Instagram & YouTube
Sponsor: Savi Security
A special thank you to our Sponsor, Savi Security. Learn more about how Savi protects your family from AI-powered scams across calls and texts, 24/7: https://www.savisecurity.com
Support the show
NOW AVAILABLE! From Guilt To Good Enough: A Caregiver’s Journey of Overcoming Burnout Through Healing Childhood by Jeanette Yates. Having been a caregiver for her mother since childhood, Jeanette knows firsthand the emotional toll caregiving can take. In this memoir-turned-self-help guide, she shares her journey of healing, setting boundaries, and reclaiming her life. Click here to purchase your copy!
At The Self-Caregiver LLC we guide women caring for their aging parents overcome burnout and release guilt to create more freedom and fulfillment in their life.
We believe you cannot give more of yourself until you heal the wounds, replenish your being and reconnect to the fullness of who you are, embracing the purpose you‘ve been called to live.
