07/13/26 – HIGHLIGHTS of Brown Bag Mornings: 🛰️ THE GIANT SPACE DEATH RAY & ⚰️ THE CREEPY OKLAHOMA CALLER

We are diving into the terrifying news of a satellite company reflecting sunlight back to Earth—is it for "rescue efforts" or just a giant space laser to hold us hostage for energy bills? 🛰️🔦 On Don’t You Know I’m Local, we break down the absolute chaos at Jay-Z’s Yankee Stadium show, where thousands of fans "crashed out" after leaving early and missing a legendary hour-long encore. 🎤🗽 The Homie Helpline reaches a new level of "terrifying" when a caller named Colton offers revenge advice that has the entire crew checking their locks and questioning the algorithm. 📞💀 We also roast Gen Z for the "tan maxing" trend, where kids are hunting dangerous UV rays just to end up smelling like Cheetos and "dog paw" spray tan. ☀️🥨 Finally, Money Moves investigates the great Ronaldo tear conspiracy—did he actually cry for the betting apps, or is Poly Market just pocketing the cash? ⚽️💧

[Edited by @iamdyre 🐚]

Chapters

(00:00) Don't You Know I'm Local

(4:06) Rap Sheet

(8:31) Scrolling

(12:00) Homie Helpline

(24:35) Money Moves

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