"I thought I knew what grief felt like."
A year and a half ago, Julie Lucas' husband Tommie left for a work trip and never came home. What she found on the other side of that loss was not the grief she expected — it was the shame of grieving wrong, the guilt of feeling okay, and the strange loneliness of being surrounded by people who love you and don't quite know how to reach you.
In this episode, Julie and Kyira talk about the fear that stops most of us from grieving at all: that if you let yourself feel it all the way down, you will not come back. Julie found the opposite.
This is an honest look at what grief actually asks of us, and what becomes possible when we stop trying to do it the right way.
CHAPTERS
00:00 Cold open
00:49 Intro
04:34 "I thought I knew what grief felt like"
05:08 The somatic side of grief nobody warns you about
09:11 Who Tommie was
12:16 The morning it happened
15:46 "You're going to love it here. I feel so free."
20:41 The fear: if I feel it fully, I won't come back
21:48 Asking her mother to hold her
24:52 Protecting everyone else from your grief
25:27 "I don't want my identity to become this"
30:41 Grief has no timeline
39:14 The acoustic guitar emoji
48:40 Grief is a solitary journey we can't do alone
51:45 There's no right or wrong way to do this
54:39 Why "let me know if you need anything" doesn't work
MORE ABOUT JULIE
As an introverted overthinker, Julie knows what it's like to feel anxious and stuck in her head. She spent much of her footwear design career in critique mode, comparing her work with others and chasing trends.
She became a master of focusing on the outside world and, in the process, lost track of her body and its wisdom. A yoga nidra class that brought her back home to herself propelled her on a journey to learn and share this profound practice of meditation and self-inquiry.
CONNECT WITH JULIE
Website: https://www.withinwonder.com/
Yoga Nidra: https://www.withinwonder.com/yoga-nidra
Work with Julie: https://www.withinwonder.com/individual
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wndr/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@within.wonder
RESOURCES MENTIONED
Tear Soup by Pat Schwiebert and Chuck DeKlyen — the book Julie's mother read aloud before they cried together.
Tear Soup on Amazon
READY TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP?
Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day," and start making the daily shifts that break the shame cycle keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
Download the Free Handout
Book a free 25-minute discovery call to talk through program options and find the support that best fits your needs.
Book a Free Discovery Call
RELATED EPISODES
One Pill Killed My Son. The Stigma Almost Buried Him Twice
The Grief Expert: Stop Trying To "Move On"
Shame & Complicated Grief: Moving With, Not On
Shame & Grief: A Match Made in Misery
Radical Acceptance: Grief is non-negotiable
AMA: Grieving Someone Who's Still Alive
STAY CONNECTED
Subscribe on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, and leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@adversityrising
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/untethering-shame/id1691795543
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2AouludJr7EweOkMIN9s42
Website: https://www.adversityrising.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adversityrising/
Email: kyira@adversityrising.com
