I didn't know that my children would be able to watch me die without trauma. I didn't know that they would not try to change my mind. I didn't know whether doctors would force me to do things I don't believe in.
The only way for me to control all of this was to leave, essentially to die for them. I had wanted to do it in a mutually agreed fashion, but even after 15 years of me talking about, nobody I knew could could comprehend my need.I was called selfish, ego centric, insensitive.
It was the easy Is thing for them. They never would have let me have the death I required, so the entire planet thinks I'm dead.
I'm not going to die in the next few weeks. I most likely have a year. I need that year.
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