Have you ever made a deal with yourself at the end of a really bad week — that's it, I'm not doing it anymore, I'm only doing what he does — and then washed up three times by Tuesday without noticing? Have you ever bought him something mid-fight when you were supposed to be on strike? Have you ever lost it because your nine-year-old defended his dad by pointing out he did one load of washing, as if that was the bar?
I couldn't stop thinking about a listener who did all three in one week. I texted a friend about her. I went for coffee and talked about her. I followed up to find out what happened. What she said next, I genuinely did not see coming.
What we cover
- Have you ever declared you're done, you're not doing it anymore, and then found yourself doing it anyway — and genuinely not noticed until it was done
- The thing your body does mid-fight that looks like making up but isn't — and why it fires even when you're the one who's angry
- Why your hands win the war three times before lunch — and the one-second move that interrupts it
- Why the guilt fires when you stop, not when you're drowning — and what guilt is actually doing in your house
- What your daughter learns watching a 40-year trained adult put something down — no speech needed
- The slam tour — passive-aggressive cleaning, the self-cleaning oven moment, and what we're really hoping he'll see
- Why your body won't sleep even when everything is fine — and the scientific name for it
- The question to ask yourself the next time your hands move before your brain does: am I doing this because I want to, or am I scared of what'll happen if I don't
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References:
Baumeister, R. F., Stillwell, A. M., & Heatherton, T. F. (1994). Guilt: An interpersonal approach. Psychological Bulletin, 115(2), 243–267.
Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2016). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Wood, W., & Neal, D. T. (2007). A new look at habits and the habit–goal interface. Psychological Review, 114(4), 843–863.
