The word narcissist gets thrown around a lot. But what does narcissism actually look like in a relationship, and what happens to us when we spend too long trying to manage someone else? In this episode of CLOSER, I sit down with clinical psychologist and bestselling author Dr. Ramani Durvasula to unpack narcissism beyond the label: the subtle signs we often miss, why narcissistic people can be so charming to the outside world, and why the people closest to them can have a completely different experience.
We talk about what it feels like to walk on eggshells, to second-guess what you say, to give endlessly but feel unsupported in return, and how, over time, you can begin silencing parts of yourself just to keep the peace. Dr. Ramani also shares why we cannot change another person's narcissism, what healthy boundaries and realistic expectations can look like, and why compassion for someone else should not require abandoning yourself. We explore healing, self-blame, healthy ego, social media, and how we can raise children with a stronger sense of who they are.
One idea from this conversation stayed with me: more than one thing can be true at the same time. You can love someone and still be hurt by them. You can see the good in them and acknowledge that their behaviour may not change. And sometimes, healing begins with seeing the relationship for what it is, rather than continuing to believe that if we just love better, give more, or say the right thing, we can make it different.
Chapters
00:00:00 Introduction
00:01:26 What Is Narcissism, Really?
00:03:57 Narcissism Is a Spectrum
00:06:12 How Dr. Ramani Recognised Narcissism in Her Own Life
00:08:42 What a Narcissistic Relationship Actually Feels Like
00:12:49 Is Social Media Fueling Narcissism?
00:15:16 How to Raise Children With a Strong Sense of Self
00:19:30 Can a Narcissist Actually Change?
00:21:26 How to Stop Blaming Yourself and Set Boundaries
00:24:36 The Biggest Myths About Narcissism
00:26:12 Healthy Ego vs. Narcissism
00:27:49 When Compassion Becomes Self-Abandonment
00:30:10 “It’s Not You”
00:32:04 Be Their Parent, Not Their Peer
00:35:53 What Dr. Ramani Wants You to Know About Narcissism
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Follow Dr. Ramani Durvasula here:
https://doctor-ramani.com/
