Sometimes the conflict in your house is not really about the backpack on the floor.
Rude. Annoying. Deeply inconvenient. Yes. But not really the whole thing.
In this episode of Confessions of a Parent Coach, Ann Kaplan explores one of the core ideas from The Anatomy of Peace: what if the conflict in your life is less about the other person's behavior and more about how you're seeing them?
This one is especially for parents who are tired of repeating themselves, irritated by the same daily battles, and secretly wondering why all the "right" communication tools still are not creating the connection they want.
Ann talks about the difference between seeing someone as a full human being versus seeing them as an obstacle, a problem, or a thing to manage. And yes, this applies to your kid. And your partner. And that one person who somehow loads the dishwasher like they were raised by raccoons.
She also shares how this connects to the Enneagram, her own current growth work, and the theme of this year's October retreat: connection.
In this episode, you'll learn:
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Why conflict often begins with the way we see the other person
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What it means to have a "heart at war" versus a "heart at peace"
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How parents accidentally start seeing their children as obstacles
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Why trying to force change usually creates more resistance
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How the pyramid of influence changes the way we think about parenting, boundaries, and communication
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Why real connection starts with your way of being, not your perfect script
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How the Enneagram helps reveal the "box" you keep getting stuck in
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Why the October retreat is designed as a spacious place to do this deeper relationship work
Key takeaways:
👉 If you are seeing your child as the obstacle to your peace, connection becomes almost impossible.
👉 A heart at peace does not mean letting everyone do whatever they want. It means seeing the other person clearly before you try to correct, teach, or set a boundary.
👉 Most parents spend way too much time at the top of the pyramid — direction and correction — and not nearly enough time in the foundation: their own way of being.
👉 The work is not "How do I make this person change?" It is "How do I show up in a way that makes growth more possible for both of us?"
👉 The box you are in may be familiar. Very familiar. Like Russian nesting doll familiar. But that does not mean you are stuck forever.
This is exactly the kind of work we'll be doing at the October retreat.
Not in a "let's fix everyone in your life by Thursday" kind of way. Tempting, but no.
The retreat is a spacious place to look at the patterns you keep getting pulled into — the old boxes, the familiar reactions, the ways you lose connection with yourself and the people you love — and begin practicing a different way of being.
This year's theme is connection, and we'll be using the Enneagram, Internal Family Systems, coaching, reflection, and actual breathing room to explore what it looks like to move through your relationships with more clarity, honesty, and heart.
If this episode stirred something in you — especially if you're tired of managing everyone, bracing for conflict, or secretly wondering why connection feels so much harder than it "should" — the retreat may be the next right step.
Come join us this October.
https://www.annkaplanparentcoach.com/fallretreat
