Recommended Episodes

Why are we so much harsher with ourselves than we are with the people we love?

In this episode, Holly Yates and Shawn Costello-Whooley join Chris and Emma to explore the powerful role of the inner critic. Together, they unpack where self-critical thoughts come from, why they often masquerade as protection, and how they can quietly shape our relationships, confidence, and sense of self-worth.

Drawing from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), compassion-focused approaches, and their new book The Inner Critic Workbook, Holly and Shawn explain how self-criticism often develops as an attempt to keep us safe, connected, and accepted. The conversation explores shame, belonging, perfectionism, social comparison, parenting, and the courage required to respond to ourselves with kindness rather than cruelty.

This episode offers practical tools for recognizing your inner critic, understanding its function, and developing a healthier relationship with the thoughts that tell you you're not enough.

Key Takeaways

  •  The inner critic often develops as a misguided attempt to protect us. 
  •  Shame thrives in secrecy and disconnection. 
  •  Self-compassion is not self-indulgence or letting yourself off the hook. 
  •  Values can help distinguish between a helpful coach and a harmful critic. 
  •  Responding is different from reacting. 
  •  Connection is one of the most powerful antidotes to shame. 
  •  We can learn to relate differently to self-critical thoughts without eliminating them.

View extended shownotes here

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