Salt-N-Pepa had it right in 1990…
“Let’s talk about sex baby, let's talk about you and me, let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be…”
It’s also important to talk about sex when we’re not having it — or not having enough of it.
This episode explores the complexities of mismatched sex drives in relationships, and why the difference itself is often less of a problem than the meaning couples attach to it. From our own experiences and the work we’ve done with clients, we share three things we know to be true:
People have different sex drives and desires for intimacy
The difference itself usually isn’t the problem — it’s how couples interpret it
Talking about it gives the relationship a much better chance
When partners want different amounts of sex, it can quickly lead to resentment, pressure, and painful assumptions about attraction, love, and unmet needs.
In this conversation, we explore how these dynamics develop and why communication, understanding, and creative solutions are essential for maintaining intimacy and connection.
We also get personal, sharing how differences in desire show up in our own relationship — including how menopause and pain have impacted Tara’s desire and what she’s been exploring to navigate that.
Along the way, we discuss concepts like responsive desire and how understanding different desire styles can shift the conversation.
We also share practical tools and conversation approaches couples can use to move away from the blame game and toward solutions that honour both partners’ needs — whether they’re in monogamous or non-monogamous relationships.
Chapters:
00:00 - Understanding Different Sex Drives
02:42 - Navigating Relationship Dynamics
05:29 - The Importance of Communication
08:22 - Resentment and Its Roots
11:12 - The Role of Internal Narratives
13:59 - Breaking the Silence on Sex
16:44 - Building Trust Through Open Dialogue
22:52 - Exploring Non-Monogamy as a Solution
25:14 - The Importance of Communication in Relationships
26:18 - Redefining Intimacy Beyond Sex
28:04 - Tools for Reestablishing Intimacy
30:35 - Understanding Desire Styles
34:29 - Finding Solutions Together
38:47 - Final Thoughts on Navigating Desire Differences
Show Resources:
