This is the third post for our July theme of alignment. If you missed the first two, you can read or listen to them here:
Week 1 - It Is Hard Being Someone You Are Not
Week 2- The Quiet Whisper That Tells You What You Need, Want and Value
People often ask me how I became so confident.
When I was younger, I was shy and afraid to speak.
They want to know what changed.
The truth is there wasn’t one big moment.
It was the result of hundreds of small choices, made over many years.
People often imagine that living in alignment begins with a dramatic decision, such as starting a new career, moving to another country, or ending a relationship. Sometimes alignment happens that way, with a big change.
But most of the time, it begins quietly with a small choice that feels like being honest with yourself.
At the time, I thought I was only building my confidence. I didn’t know what that looked like or what steps I needed to take. I saw confidence as a light at the top of a mountain I wanted to climb. I knew nothing about alignment, values or boundaries. I only knew I wanted my life to be better than it had been.
Looking back now, I realise I wasn’t climbing towards confidence at all. I was slowly walking back to myself.
Pieces of a jigsaw
We don’t wake up one morning to find ourselves living an aligned life. It is the life we create through each conversation we have, each boundary we set and each decision we make. One small step at a time.
It is more about walking a path than reaching a destination. There is never a moment when we can say, ‘Ok, that’s it, I have achieved alignment.’ It’s a different kind of knowing.
For me, it was a feeling that things were starting to slot into place, like a jigsaw where you begin to see where each piece needs to go. At first, it still looks incomplete. But with every piece you place, the picture becomes a little clearer.
I believe alignment comes from those small moments when we choose to stay with ourselves.
Maybe you:
* Stop chasing approval.
* Prioritise rest when you’re tired.
* Learn to say no without apologising.
* Stop explaining yourself in great detail.
* Start to wear the clothes you genuinely like.
* Make time for the things that bring you peace.
* Honour your values instead of someone’s expectations.
* Spend more time with people who leave you feeling peaceful, accepted and fully yourself.
Becoming comfortable
Our nervous system prefers what is familiar. This is why we spend time in our comfort zone. Growth often asks us to step beyond what feels familiar.
After a lifetime of people-pleasing, choosing yourself will no doubt feel wrong. You will feel uncomfortable. I urge you to move through that discomfort, because alignment and confidence lie on the other side.
You will feel guilty for saying no, resting, and speaking up. That guilt will pass as you hold steady. It’s not wrong to prioritise yourself; it’s just unfamiliar.
The question I ask myself
As I have transformed from the shy girl with low self-esteem and social anxiety into the confident woman I am today, I have found a question that keeps me moving forward.
Does this choice bring me closer to myself or further away?
In other words, does what you are about to decide align with what is important to you?
This question ensures you are making choices that are in your best interests.
We are not talking about becoming perfect.
Alignment will not stop you from:
* Losing your temper.
* Overthinking different situations.
* People-pleasing to gain approval.
* Bending your boundaries at times.
* Ignoring your needs to help someone out.
What it does is help you notice sooner and take action to return to yourself.
Looking back, I can now see my own journey more clearly.
First, I realised I had drifted away from myself.
Then I learned to hear my own voice again.
Finally, I found the courage to follow it, one small choice at a time.
Looking back, those weren’t three separate stages.
They were all part of the same journey home.
Living in alignment
Your own aligned life will take time to build:
* Making better choices that feel right for you.
* Discovering your core values and honouring them.
* Trusting yourself to speak up.
* Developing strong relationships.
* Knowing and understanding all parts of yourself.
As you walk along your aligned path, you may not notice the change from one day to the next. But one day you’ll look back and realise that the choices that once felt difficult have become natural. You no longer ask yourself who you should be. You’re simply living as yourself. That’s when you realise something beautiful has happened.
You’re finally living a life that feels like your own.
Living in alignment isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about returning to who you’ve always been.
The path was always there. Self-trust simply gives you the courage to walk it.
Questions to reflect on
* What is one small choice I could make today that feels more like me?
* Where have I been choosing comfort over authenticity?
* What does my body feel like when I know something is right?
* Which daily habit helps me feel most aligned?
* What is one decision I can make this week that honours my values?
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Much loveSue xx
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