To rise to the leadership ranks, you need to work with critical stakeholders. And the key to doing that effectively, says leadership expert Rebecca Zucker, is to form deeper relationships.
How do most high performers get relationships wrong – and stall their rise? In this episode of 97% Effective, host Michael Wenderoth and Rebecca Zucker go deep on how to deepen relationships, so you not only get to the leadership ranks, but thrive there. They discuss tasks vs relationship balance —and the connection between trauma, trust and overturning our immunity to change. Rebecca draws from decades coaching senior leaders and her training as a trauma informed coach. If you approach building relationships as a checklist, this episode will help you see the more important layer you’ve been missing.
SHOW NOTES
Why deepening relationships is critical
How we are hurt by a myopic focus on tasks and “getting shit done”
Thinking about relationships as “the channel through which things happen”
The importance of being attuned to your task vs relationship balance
Helping leaders deepen relationships
Managing the trap of being in the weeds and the limiting belief that “I have to do it”
Doing vs being: how do you see and view relationships?
The bamboo finger cuff challenge: why you need to let go and just be present and attuned
Trauma, distrust and overcoming deeply held beliefs and behaviors
“Moving fast is a trauma response: we move fast so we don’t feel… which results in people not feeling connected”
The dynamic you create when you walk in the room with distrust
“The antidote to distrust is not trust – it’s being conscious of the distrust”
How our beliefs and assumptions that served us in the past -- become our downfall
How Rebecca creates space for clients to open up and explore
The big block for Type 3 Achievers: “When we can’t feel our own feelings, we can’t feel other people’s feelings, which gets in the way of connection”
Realizing change
Developing the skill to “slow the f down” and expand your container
“If you’re approaching building a relationship with a checklist, that’s not going to work”
How to control yourself and slow down – when everything in your company is whirling fast?
The importance of not taking on other people’s anxieties
Coping strategies vs healing
Emotional boundaries and staying on your side of the net
Noticing and Feedback
The skills of “continuous double-clicking” to notice, getting real-time feedback, paying attention to self-protective reactions
Inner vs outward defensiveness
Tips on getting real feedback from your reports
How feedback can improve a relationship – when it is done well
Having hard conversations but not making someone feel like a fool
Lightning round: Hard truths, biggest influences, and 25 years of Next Step Partners
BIO AND LINKS
Rebecca Zucker is founding parter at Next Step Partners, which serves global clients based out of San Francisco, USA. An expert in executive coaching as well as leadership and career development, Rebecca coaches C-level executives and other senior leaders across the globe. She is a regular contributor to Harvard Business Review and Forbes.com and is frequently quoted in the press on career and leadership issues. Rebecca graduated as valedictorian from the Leonard N. Stern School of business at NYU and later received her MBA from Stanford. She then worked as an investment banker for Goldman Sachs in New York and held leadership positions at Disney EMEA in Paris and at Robertson Stephens. She received her coaching training and certification from the Coaches Training Institute and from Minds at Work. Rebecca is certified as a trauma-informed coach.
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