Grudges don't just weigh on your heart. They weigh on your body.
I was reading an article recently by Dr. Lantie Jorandby, a board-certified psychiatrist, in Psychology Today. She writes about how holding onto resentment raises stress and cortisol. Higher cortisol means higher blood pressure, weakened immunity, and greater risk of heart disease.
It's also tied to depression and rumination, that repetitive negative loop your mind gets stuck in. That loop steals your sleep, which drives cortisol even higher. It's a cycle that feeds itself.
Cortisol even affects the hippocampus, the part of your brain responsible for memory. That's part of why people with chronic PTSD often show a smaller hippocampus on scans. Add in muscle tension, elevated heart rate, higher blood pressure, and this isn't a small thing your body is shrugging off. It's carrying it.
The Bible talks about forgiveness constantly, and I think this research shows us why. But forgiveness gets misunderstood a lot, so let's be clear about what it actually is.
It doesn't mean pretending you weren't mistreated. It doesn't mean there are no consequences for someone's behavior. It doesn't mean going back into a relationship that isn't safe. What it does mean is choosing to release the resentment, and letting go of wanting revenge, even when revenge would feel justified.
I'll be honest with you about why this topic landed on my heart this week. I'd written my notes for this episode about a week before I recorded it, and I had no idea how much I'd need my own reminder by the time I sat down to talk.
I won't get into the specifics, but something happened recently that stirred up some old, not-positive feelings toward a former employer, feelings I thought I'd already worked through. It was like salt got rubbed right back into a wound I thought had closed. If I'm honest, it hurt my pride more than anything else.
That experience got me thinking about something a lot of women carry quietly: church hurt. Sitting with my own small version of it gave me real compassion for women who've been hurt far worse, by people in the church, and who've walked away from it entirely because of what happened to them there.
If that's you, if part of you doesn't want to go back, I don't blame you. But I'd gently remind you: the church is made up of flawed people. Not everyone in it wants to harm you. And God saw what happened. He cares.
There's a story in Genesis that's stayed with me on this. Sarai didn't trust God to give her and Abraham a child, so she told Abraham to sleep with her servant, Hagar. Once Hagar became pregnant, Sarai dealt harshly with her, and Hagar fled into the wilderness alone.
But God met her there. Genesis 16:13 says she called Him "a God of seeing," saying, "Truly here I have seen him who looks after me." God does not want us harmed. When you were hurt, He saw it. He was with you then, and He's with you now. He wants your pain brought to Him, not carried alone in silence.
So bring it to Him. Talk to Him about it like you would a trusted friend, or write it out in a letter if that's easier. Ask Him plainly: help me forgive.
Some days that's a one-time prayer. Other days you'll have to pray it again the moment the memory resurfaces, and then again after that. Forgiveness is rarely a single decision. It's a practice you return to, and there's real freedom in knowing God asks us to keep forgiving because He kept forgiving us.
If church hurt is part of your story, here's what I want you to know: there are people in the church who genuinely love the way Christ loved. You don't have to go back to the one that hurt you, but I'd encourage you not to stay away from church altogether.
Healing tends to happen in community, not in isolation. God never intended for you to carry bitterness or resentment quietly until it made you sick. He wants you free from it, in your spirit and in your body.
Ready to Take the Next Step in Your Health Journey?
If you've been dealing with low energy, autoimmune symptoms, or exhaustion that never seems to lift, this is your next step.
Book a Free Introductory Call and let's talk through what's really going on in your body and whether working together makes sense for you.
Visit herholistichealing.com/call to book your call today.
